nobody move, or i'll kill myself, then her!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What's the difference between a soldier and a black man? A black man lives a normal life, probably working a full time job to bring income to his family. A soldier has seen his friends killed right before his very eyes, has probably killed, and most likely has night terrors accompanied by the sounds of gunshots and grenades. He will suffer trauma up until he dies of a heart attack in his mid 80's after experiencing a terrifying flashback of life in the war.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Boy, do I love chicken strips. Sometimes, when I’m home alone, I’ll take some chicken strips fresh out of the oven and rub them in my scalp. It doesn’t do much for my hair health, but I like the way they feel running through my strands of hair. The flakey coating, smooth white meat, and warmth. Yum.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

So I was banging this French chick the other day and I couldn't understand what she was saying Turns out I raped her.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Q: The president is driving down the road, when the wheels of his boat fall off. How many ping pong balls does it take to fill the Empire State Building? A: False. Vests don't have sleeves.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

A black man walks in to a 7 Eleven with a gun in his left pocket. He innocently walks over to the place where they keep all the hostess treats, and decides to purchase a pack of crumb donuts. The gun was purely for self defense, it was a bad neighborhood.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

I was going to write a joke about Alzheimers ... but I completely forgot it.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

what is long on joe? Not his dick thats for sure.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Q:Why did the boy have no friends A: because Ants are not considered friends

thumb_up thumb_down -27

See what I did here? ;) Ladies, I just need some space okay? Damn Space Invaders... Ijustmetthespaceinvaderstheytookmyspace << DOUBLE MEANING!

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Q: Why does a zebra have stripes? A: Because Sarah Jessica Parker is a horse.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Q:Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? A: Conrad Barry

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What is white and square? A ping pong block

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why was the frog sad? Because he had a boy's face stapled to his feet.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What did the elephant say to the whale? Nothing, neither can talk and they live in very different biomes.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

why do german shower have eleven holes? jews have 10 fingers

thumb_up thumb_down -27

A fat man walks into McDonald's and was then seen leaving 8 hours later as he finished his shift.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why are there no casinos in Africa? Because of the exceptionally high poverty rate.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Q. Why did uncle Al die of smoking? A. His socks were to big -Noah Weisskopf

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why did the rooster die. Because I killed it.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What is the greatest lie ever? "I have read and agree to the Terms of Service"

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why did the man Jump of a bridge? Because he got sick of his life and he wanted to die.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Whats Funnier than the Holacaust? A: Nothing you asshole!

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops