What is green, dangorous, slow, defencive, and scared? A turtle with a uzi.

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if chuck norris had 5 dollars and you had 5 dollars he would have 10 dollars

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Why did blonde cross the road? She needed to get to work.

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Why are fire trucks red Well fire trucks have 4 wheels, and they have 8 people in them, 4+8, is 12, there are 12 inches in a foot, a foot is a ruler, Queen Elizabeth was a ruler, Queen Elizabeth was a boat, boats sail the seven seas, fish are in the seven seas, fish have fins, the Finns defeated the Russians, Russians are red, And that is why fire trucks are red.

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Yo Dawg, I heard You Like Kittens and Volcanoes... So, I threw Your Kitten In A Volcano.

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Why are babies like shake weights? Cause If you shake them long enough, they both end up being inanimate objects.

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That awkward moment when sentences don't end the way you octopus.

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Whats 1+1? The answer!

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Why did they bury the pope on the side of the hill? because he is dead -Eden Hogg

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What's brown and sticky? A Stick!

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A momma cow was grazing in the meadow with her three calves when the first one asked, "Mom, how did I get the name Rose? "Well when you were born, a rose pedal came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The second calf asked, "How did I get the name Daisy?" "Well when you were born, a daisy came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The third calf mumbled, "LKJLSKJFSLKJLKSJDF" incoherently, and the Mom responded, "Shut up, Cinderblock."

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Roses are red my shirt is blue don't take my money, their not for u -_-

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How many moms does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They make you do it!

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Why? She had no Arms or legs Knock knock Whos there? Not Sally XD XD XD XD XD XD XD

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Roses are red Violets are blue Actually, now that i think of it, roses come in many colors And violets are actually violet in color, thus the name

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Why was the boy adopted........ because hes grandad

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Why did Gina laugh? Because something was funny.

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what is brown and wet? Muddy water

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What do you call a dog with 2 legs? Doesn't matter, it's not going to come anyways.

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Why did the boy die? He got hit by the school bus.

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

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what did the father say to his son whom had only one arm? hey son.

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whats the diferrence between a bush and an old lady? it be wierd if a bush had an old lady.

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"Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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