What did the dog do in the phone booth? Nothing, as dog do not have opposable thumbs and cannot grip objects. The previous user must have left the door open and the dog walked in, only to leave a few moments later.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock knock Whos there? A rapist. Go away I'm calling the police!! (The rapist then proceeds to break open the door, beat the woman repeatedly with a baseball bat, and then rapes her)

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the boy cry? His Parents died.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A lion, a leopard, a sheep, and a flesh eating New Zealand parrot stalk, trot and fly, respectively, into a bar. The parrot lands on the the sheep's back and begins to tear into its flesh in order to reach the succulent deposits of fatty tissue located around the sheep's kidneys. "Ouch!" Said the sheep. "Why would you do that? Oh, the pain! The pain!" "Squak!", Replied the NZ parrot, wiping blood of its sharp, hooked beak on the counter. "I think," Began the lion, "This parrot from New Zealand is hungry for fat from a sheep's soft, woolly back." The sheep's wool was now damp with blood. "Perhaps this parrot from New Zealand wants sheep fat from its soft woolly back." "Ah!" Said the sheep. "This parrot from New Zealand wants sheep fat from my soft woolly back!" "Yes", Replied the lion. "You could also say..." Started the sheep, "That an NZ parro-" The sheep did not finish his sentence. He died from his wounds. The lion left. The parrot flew off to tear up some windshield wipers. And the leopard stashed the sheep carcass in a tree branch for later consumption.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A panda walks into a bar. He eats but then is tranquilized and taken back to the zoo.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why is Michael Jackson bad at checkers? Cause he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

SCENE: A prirate walks into a bar with the wheel of the ship attached to his pants. BARTENDER: Doesn't that hurt? PIRATE: Aye! It drives me nuts.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the pied piper eat tea half past three? Because the chicken tripped on the way across the street and the fat lady didn't sing.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a black man driving a nice luxury sedan? A man who has, surprisingly, done very well in this economy.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

There was once a boy who ate fire. He died of severe burns.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the chicken cross the road? Well, it was kind of by chance that it crossed the road and what is the big deal lots of animals cross the road. For example possums, squirrels, deer, raccoons, cats, dogs, rabbits do pretty often too it's weird because sometimes more rabbits cross the road on Easter I don't know if that's just me though, chipmunks, bears, over in Africa probably tigers and lions cross those roads.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A black man from Harlem walked in to a store. He then proceeded to buy a few items using money he had earlier procured by working dilligently.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the bird fall out of the tree? Because it was struck by lightning and died.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do u make a baby cry? Throw a brick at its face

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Today my friend was surprised at the black joke I told today, but I can tell that joke because most of my closest friends are white.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the business man jump into a mud puddle? He didn't. He was brutally stabbed to death then thrown in a pigpen in an attempt to conceal the evidence.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you do when your condom breaks during sexual intercourse? Get AIDS.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q. What has four legs, but can't walk? A. A dog dying of a serious illness...

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What happened to the little boy who threw a spitball at the teacher? He was killed the next day when the teacher, who had a history of mental instability and schizophrenia, decided to go on a shooting rampage in class.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

So you're floating down a river on a two story canoe. How many pancakes does it take to cover a dog house? Four because snakes have no legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why was the girl sad? Because she was, you idiot!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

2 pilots rowed a boat across the desert. How long did it take to reach the moon? Answer: Purple because chickens don't use magic.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

So a woman goes to the doctor for an ultra-sound. The doctor says I have good news. The woman inquisitively replies what is it doctor, the doctor replies ; Your baby is Dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops