An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

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How many babies does it take to paint a barn red It depends how hard you throw them

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Why was sally mopping the floor? Because she was a slave

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"What would you do if i gave you a million dollars?" "I would scream and jump up and down? Are you really gonna give me a million dollars?" "No i just wanted to see what you would have said, that's all"

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Why did the all black baseball team beat the all white baseball team? Because the black team scored more runs than the white team.

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Q: How did the robber steal a laptop from best buy? A: With his hands

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Why couldn't the dead man take a shit? He was severely constipated

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What is a mean thing to say to Stephen Hawking? Please take a seat.

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Why did the Police Officer pull over the black man? The black man was not following the rules of the road and accepted the ticket with great remorse. The Officer then proceed to pull over a white man for this very same offence.

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Why did the guy go to the store? He really doesn't want you to know every detail of his life.

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why did the plane crash? because the pilot was a tomato.

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How do you make a baby cry? Throw a brick at its face.

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How many Dead Babies does it take fill a phone booth? There is an obvious epidemic going around causing millions of babies to die. This is no laughing matter and the mothers of these babies are probably going through therapy to get over their lost.

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How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb? One.

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Why'd the chicken cross the road? Who cares its a chicken, it probably got hit by a car. Go to McDonalds and get a chicken sandwich there he is

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What's long, hard, and has come in it? A long, hardcovered book.

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why was Lucy fat? Her BMI was over the recommended average.

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a jewish guy walks in to a bar says to the bartender says "I have aids" and the jewish man replys "my bad"

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Kid: "Tell me about when you were young, Grandpa." Grandpa: "Oh, sonny, those were crazy times. My friends and I were out of control. We used to give each other wet-willies and funny arm. We'd play dandy-balls and legs-a-spread and penis-butt." Kid: "Sounds kind of gay, Grandpa. " Grandpa: "It was gay. Everyone was. But, back then, we were called pole-fancies. It was real, good old-fashioned "grab the nearest tree and hold on for dear life" gay, not today's fancy, featherbed, thread-count gay. People got hurt back then! Kid "That's gay." Grandpa: "Yeah, it was pretty gay "

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What's the difference between a dead black man in the road, and a dead dog in the road? One is a human being that probably leaves behind family and friends that will miss his absence. The other is an animal that will also be missed, but to a lesser degree since dogs don't form a bond with people other than the family it shared its life with. In either of the two cases, if I witnessed the accident that caused the death, I would promptly notify the authorities so as to make sure that the driver of the vehicle that hit them would be subjected to a breathalyzer test.

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person: Ask me if i'm a tree other person: are you a tree? person: no

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how do you wake up lady gaga you poke her face

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Why aren't there any black flesh-colored bandages? Good question.

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What happens when you cut a body in half? An erection.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops