Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? eating the worm causing it to breed inside of your body later causing them to eat you internally

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How are a black man and a banana similar? They are both intelligent human beings, except for the banana.

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Charlie Sheen

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Why don't men want to marry virgins? They are wary of women who are inexperienced and who they may be sexually incompatible with.

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A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

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What's large and blue? Probably quite a few things.

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What is pink and gets wet a tounge

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How do you make a unicorn? Jab a stick through a pink horse and name it Liam

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A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother than explains to the daughter the logistics of sex. The daughter seems to comprehend and walk away leaving the mother to cook.

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Two peanuts were walking down the street, one was assaulted, the other was brutally raped.

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Why was Timmy sad? He had a frog stapled to his face

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what did Dr. Dre say? Nothing you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead!

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There was a joke, one sentance, and no punchline.

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Why did Sara fell off her swing? She has no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sara

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What did the blackman say to the whiteman???? Nothing! They both commintted suicide

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A husband and wife just had a baby, and he came out black.

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Why shouldn't you drink and drive? You might spill your beer

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What is white and weighs twice as much as Shamoo? My ass.

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"Knock knock" "The doors open" "Oh, okay"

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What's funnier than cancer? Just about anything. There's nothing funny about terminal illnesses.

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Roses are red Violets are red Grass is red Oh no! Someone's been murdered in my garden!

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What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Lamborghini? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

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even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then. but has a high probability of getting hit by a car and slowly dying from crushed limbs

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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