A momma cow was grazing in the meadow with her three calves when the first one asked, "Mom, how did I get the name Rose? "Well when you were born, a rose pedal came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The second calf asked, "How did I get the name Daisy?" "Well when you were born, a daisy came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The third calf mumbled, "LKJLSKJFSLKJLKSJDF" incoherently, and the Mom responded, "Shut up, Cinderblock."

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Why was the pedophile in jail? For indecent exposure to a child.

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Girl goes to see a sex therapist. Girl says, "Doc, though this has never been a problem, for the past 3 months I have been unable to reach climax. Can you help me?" Doc says, "Yes.". And after an intense 18 months of therapy the doctor helped the girl to discover that her inability to reach climax was related to issues of childhood sexual abuse. And after another 36 months of therapy the girl finally found the courage to confront and forgive her unrepentant abuser, as she realized that by not forgiving him, it was like drinking poison while hoping that he would die. And though the doctor did help her,as he had said, the girl never regained her ability to reach climax again.

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what is brown and wet? Muddy water

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Why did Gina laugh? Because something was funny.

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Roses are red Heres something new Violets are violet not fucking blue

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What do you call a dog with 2 legs? Doesn't matter, it's not going to come anyways.

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what did the father say to his son whom had only one arm? hey son.

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whats the diferrence between a bush and an old lady? it be wierd if a bush had an old lady.

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Why did the boy die? He got hit by the school bus.

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Whats worse then 10 black men hanging from trees? Kittens

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my dick is like a bridge. i dont know why.

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Why couldn't Paul see. He got stabbed in the eye by two mexicans

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Why is a bulldog so aggressive Because it was raised for dog fights in basements Dog fights aren't right kids, and you should never get involved but if you find yourself in the cage fighting one of the dogs, you should really think about how you got there.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? ...

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Five little monkeys jumping on the bed One fell off and bumped his head Mama called the doctor and the doctor said "There is no cure for the monkeys in your head"

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What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe? Fur traders

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what did the crocodile say to the fish? OMNOMNOMNOMNOM!! and then the fish swam away because of the the weird noise the crock was making...

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Barny the purple dinosaur has no imagination, stuck his finger up his ass and called it masterbaition!

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How do you make a baby cry? Throw a brick at its face!

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? She was too tired and was afraid that if she got behind the wheel it might cause her to fall asleep at the wheel which would result in an accident.

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An Asian couple walks into a bar, orders a few drinks, pays, and leaves

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What has four legs one head but only one foot? A dog that was born with physical deformities.

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whats brown and half eaten? yeah an easter egg that a parent has given to there son/daughter before dinner

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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