- Anti Joke

How do you milk a cow? Make sure the cow is tied with a halter to a sturdy post or held in a stanchion. Clean the teats with soapy water or iodine. Warm, soapy water can help "bring down" the milk. Dry them, but don't rub or irritate the teats. Place a bucket underneath the udder. Better yet, hold it between your legs. This takes practice, but it can be done, easily and comfortably. This position lowers the chances of the cow kicking over an almost-filled pail of milk. Sit or squat in a position that will allow you to move away quickly if the cow becomes uncooperative. Sitting cross-legged on the ground, for example, is not safe. See Warnings below. A common milk stool is fabricated using two 2x4's cut and nailed to form a "T" - cut to fit your behind and make sure it is low enough to afford comfortable access to the underside of the cow. Apply a lubricant such as Vaseline to your hands to keep friction to a minimum. Wrap your hands around two of the four teats. Choose diagonal teats (front left and rear right, for example). Or, try the front teats first, then the back pair. Squeeze the base of the teat, after gently clamping each teat between your extended thumb and first finger, so that the teat fills your palm as you squeeze down. Squeeze down to push out the milk, maintaining your grip on the base of the teat so that the milk doesn't flow back up into the udder. Do not jerk or yank the teats. This motion is performed by sequentially squeezing your fingers from the middle to the pinky to force the milk out. Be gentle yet firm. Keep your eyes peeled for mastitis. Repeat with your other hand. Most people prefer to alternate (right hand, left hand, right hand, etc.) the downward squeezing motions because it takes less effort doing it in alternate steps than all at the same time. Continue until the quarter that you're milking looks deflated. Experienced farmers can feel the udder to know exactly when all the milk has come down. Often even looking at the quarter just milked can tell you if it's been emptied enough or not. Move on to milk the other two teats. If you use the diagonal method, switching sides is not necessary.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? A cripple.

Its a long story, I got two balance nerves, I technically got four ear drums (relax you cant see it nor anything,neither can doctors without weird unpleasant stuff), I got about twice the number of synapses as regular people, and well, that makes me pretty damn good at some things, and a total retard at others.

Q: What do you call a man with no arms, legs, and an eyepatch A: Names

Whats yello and cant swim A bus full of dead children in a lake

What do you do when your dish washer breaks? divorce her.

-What did George Clooney say to Jennifer Lawrence? -"Hi!"

CHORGLUND

Some guy: Which of these is not delicious,watermelon,chicken,or kool aid. Black guy: What?

Why did the polar bear die? Global warming.

How did the blonde reply to the male man when he asked how she was? "I'm good."

Why did the pedophile skip breakfast? He said that he would grab a little something on the way to work...

person 1: i have a good knock knock joke person 2: ok what is it? person 1: say knock knock! person 2: knock knock person 1: trollollollollollollo

What do you do when you're given a phonebook? You ask for their name.

What's green and frolics in the forest? A flock of cucumbers.

84.52% of users disapprove of your post, plus or minus 3%.

Neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. It never receives it because it can't talk and is far too small to see.

How do you get rich? Cut chunks off a fat person with a cleaver and sell them to china.

What happens if you drop an yellow shirt into the Red Sea? It gets wet.

what do you get when you cross a broken arm and a broken leg? .... a broken head.

Girlfriend has 10 letters, but then again, so does freeeeedom

All Bin Laden wanted was peace on earth and good will toward men.

Why did the black guy buy a bucket of KFC? Because he was hungry

What you do if you poo out a slug? Eat it.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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