Q: What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? A: One is a person, one is a food.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What happens when you wake a sleepwalker? Waking sleepwalkers does not harm them. While it is true that a person may be confused or disoriented for a short time after awakening, this does not cause them further harm. In contrast, sleepwalkers may injure themselves if they trip over objects or lose their balance while sleepwalking. Such injuries are common among sleepwalkers.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What's the only thing more horrible than trash can full of dead babies? A live one at the bottom. What's more horrible than that? He has to eat his way out. What's more horrible than that? He goes back for more. What's more horrible than that? This all took place in my garage while I was watching.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Roses are red Violets are blue I like you Get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What do you call a monkey holding a hand grenade? It depends on what its name is.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

a blond goes into a taxi, the driver asks where to my friend , the blond says her desired location, gets droped off and trips, falls on her head, suffers major injuries, dies,weeks later the taxi driver drove the family to the funeral, they walk out and one of of them trips and gets back up...

thumb_up thumb_down +24

So a pirate walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a drink. The bartender then looks down and realizes that the pirate has a steering wheel on his penis. "Sir, are you aware that you have a steering wheel on your penis?" the bartender asks. "Arrrrrrr! It's driving me crazy! I just woke up one day and it was there!" The pirate replied. "Well you should probably get that checked out soon, it looks like it could be very harmful to your health and slightly uncomfortable. Not to mention your penis is out in the open." "You are right, what was I thinking?" The pirate agreed. He proceeded to get his friend to drive him to a hospital, for drinking and driving is not safe, and steering wheels on penises are not healthy.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

knock knock whos there? andy andy who? andy gold hi come in

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a tomato

thumb_up thumb_down +24

why did the chicken cross the road? IDGAC

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry man passes, takes a look at the muffins lifts his shoulders and walks away. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin was poisoned. The now not so hungry and lost man looks at the dead camel and noticed the zoo is almost closing now. So he left in a hurry, to cook for his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

5 little monkeys jumping on the bed. one fell off and bumped his head. momma called the doctor and the doctor said "your son is now a vegetable. he can no longer use his brain for things such as moving, talking, or eating. you are going to have to take care of him for the rest of his life. it is also going to be a burden on you and your husband because taking care of someone in this condition is very expensive, and could end up costing thousands of dollars each year."

thumb_up thumb_down +24

3 Chinese brothers (chu, bu, and fu) come to America and want to change there names. Chu becomes Chuck, Bu becomes Buck, and Fu becomes Tom because obscenities do not make acceptable names.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

what do you call a dog with not legs? it doesn't matter what you call it, its not coming

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A boy walks into a bar, then walked out. He's not 21!

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What is worst than a1000 baby's stapled to a tree? 1 baby stapled to 1000 trees.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Guess what? AIDS!

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why was 6 afraid of 7? It wasnt due to the fact that numbers have no feeling.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A man walks into a doctor's office and says "Doc, I blacked out last night and have a sore ass." The doctor took some x-rays and informed him he had colon cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What was little Timmy's final words? I just want to go home.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

-how many potatoes are in a sack -5

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What happened to thepeanut who went to NYC? He was assulted

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Lol Nerochan, that was like totally awesome!

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What did the retard say to the other retard.. hey timmy how was work?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops