Guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. He goes to the restroom and urinates. He comes back and orders another drink. He goes to the restroom again and urinates. He comes back and orders another drink. Guess what happens next? A. He goes to the restroom to urinate B. He buys another drink C. He flirts with a very attractive lady D. Goes home and masturbates

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One terrible stormy night, the citizens of Ristoville were hiding from the monsterous lightning cloud approaching them. Little Jonny Harrison, however, was not afraid. This boy had been bullied from the ripe young age of about 14 months by his closest friend, Uncle Oliver, who happens to be a Catholic Priest. Jonny wanted to face the storm, with 6 years behind him, he thought it bizzare that anything worse than Uncle Oliver's magical basement could be brought unto him. He grabbed his supply of Cheese and Onion Quavers, a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Flavoured Ribena, his pretend mobile, a 10ft long metal conductor and his pet grape, "Christopher", and set out for the journey of his life. He told his terminally ill mother that he is going for the adventure of a lifetime, his dad that he wishes him well, and finally, his Grandmother, Rosie Harrison, who has had a severe addiction to meth for almost 25 years now, who has had over 13 interventions and countless attempts at suicide, that he loves her with all of his strong, brave heart, and to hang in there. Little Jonny Harrison takes his first step outside, facing the eye of storm with a little bit of pee in his pants, squeezes his Ribena, slightly squirting it and throwing it heroicly to the drooping wet grass, and screams to the cloud, at the top of his lungs, the words, "I am unstoppable!". Jonny died of HIV induced AIDS and his Uncle was given three to five years, depending on behavior, in a high security prison for child molestation and consistent domestic abuse and paedophillia. His Grandmother, Rosie, also died later that day.

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Why did the blonde fall down the stairs? Somebody tripped her.

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Whats two plus two? Miles

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How many dead babies does it take to fill a bathtub? It is highly unlikely one would have a supply of dead babies large enough to answer this question.

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Hey, have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Well, neither has he.

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Why did the chicken cross the buffet table? To get to the other sides.

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What do u call a woman geometry teacher. Santains wife.

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What did the red-haired barber say to the father who abandoned him at birth? Nothing. The father sat to the side and read a magazine as the barber cut the hair of his legitimate child, failing to recognize the irony of the situation.

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Once upon a time there was a boy who got ran over by a truck. No one cared.

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? I dont know so why are you asking?

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whats worse than getting ur penis cut off......no holocaust

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"Why did the chicken cross the road? ... To get to your house. Knock knock." "Who's there?" "The chicken"

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why did the hedge hog cross the road? To get to his 'flat' mate!!

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What did the gay man see when he looked out the window? A UPS truck that was shipping a monkey

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What happens when you throw a yellow rock into a purple river? it makes a splash

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69

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What's worse than winning the lottery? Anything, really...

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chuck norris's daughter lost her virginity but he got it back

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What's black and white and read all over? Michael Jackson. I spelled "red" wrong.

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what do you call a man who likes other men? A fag

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I was gonna make a joke about a my dick... Racecar

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Person: Hello Parking Meter! Parking Meter: Hello! The person then backed away in fear

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What sound did the man make? Splatt. He fell off a building.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops