go F*** yourself

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i like my coffee like i like my women ... with big titis

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Where do you find a pile of dead lawyers? In my basement.

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What do you call Jack Black on a bad day? Kevin Hart.

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wetly sucks dick just like teh boowb

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what did the downsindrome get for christmas?? A: Aids and a Dead wife

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How do you make a plumber mad? You tell him that his princess is in another castle about a thousand times over 25 years.

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Roses are wilting violets are wilting YOU HAD ONE JOB

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okay so one time my dog was eating an octopus tail and i was all like...Bro! octopus are our friends dont eat them! then he was all like okay...so later i saw my goldfish eating a blue kangaroo and i was all like bro blue kangaroos are our friends dont eat them and she was all like okay.. so then i saw my sandwich eating itself and i was like bro...let me eat you instead! and it was like okay. then i saw a bear eating you so i was like bro....thats all i said before it ate both of us :( and thats the story of why i have 6 toes on my left buttcheek

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on a doorstep? A: Matt.

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What do silly people in a monastery say? stop munkying around.

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What did the frog say when he heard his family was dead? "ribbit"

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Not from my wife if that is what you think, but its best people dont know who she is, because you know... A guy that gets many ladies = A playa. A girl that lets his guy do that, well, my wife feels safe about her husband (I am dead honest), but I cant expect people to suddenly go "oh yeah, his wife is totally cool and secure about it all, rather than an insecure idiot that allows him to sleep around like the dog he is) Strictly spoken, I am no dog, women say all men are pigs, but no woman settles for a boy, so that makes me a pig.

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? Depends. Are you applying a lot of pressure and licking in short, round bursts, or are you softly suckling on the treat? Your mouth's pH level is also a determining factor, as the sucker digests at a quicker rate the higher the acid content. To put it simply, there is no correct answer, because the sheer quantity of variables makes it a tootsie-less endeavor. See how I said tootsie-less rather than fruitless? Now that's a real joke.

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Just found out that it doesn't work.

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Dolly Parton's bobbs are so fake that they both have silicone in them.

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knock knock? who's there? a guy..... so the man open's the door and the guy clutching a knife stabs repeatedly at his chest killing him and drags his body down into his cellar locking him away from the open world. by Mad James

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What do you do when you say shut up to someone and they say make me? Rip out their vocal cords.

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What did the tide say to the sea?ANSWER-- Long time no sea. LOL Issaiah from OHIO yolo

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because the monkey has a very weak cerrebellum.

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what can you say about a midget dressed as a clown? he had a terrible childhood.

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Why did the woman spend all her time in the kitchen? For fear of her abusive husband.

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Two gay guys walk into a bar. You think the second one would notice...

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Whats worse than losing your keys? Your entire family dying in a preventable house fire.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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