Knock knock Whos there? No one, your wife was just in a fatal car accident and died on the scene, so your kids had to walk home from school instead of being picked up. Your son Scotty was grabbed by the sexual predator 4 blocks from the school, and your daughter Sally tried to run and is now under the wheels on the bus going round and round.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. | | + | + + + + Why did the chicken get run over the farmers tractor? Because the chicken crossed the road and didn't look both ways before crossing and didn't see the tractor that ran him over. P.S. The chicken died and the farmer was arrested for animal abuse.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? She was blind.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Whats the difference between a lemon and an ant? They're both yellow except for the lemon.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

How many rich men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, to hire an electrician to do it for him.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Once upon of time, there was an ugly duckling. It was so ugly that everyone died. The end.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

My girlfriend gave me her first ever blowjob last night. I came in her mouth and she washed it down with a can of Carling. Obviously she had to get that horrible taste out of her mouth, so she gave me another blowjob.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

how did sally die? she starved because she cant get in to get the nuggets.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A rapist and a little child walk through a dark forest. The little child says: "It's scary here." Rapist answers: "Tell me about, I gotta go back alone through here."

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

I knew a little girl once. She was ate before she was seven.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the two blondes decide to ride in one car? Because it's more environmentally friendly than taking two cars.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Yo mama is so so skinny, when she sits around the house, she sits comfortably in every chair. - Stephen Colbert

thumb_up thumb_down -8

How can you tell if someones gay? You ask them.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Andrew's a bald wankstain.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A dyslexic man walks into a bar. He than orders some drinks.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

In soviet russia, roses are violet

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why was the little girl sad? She had a grown man sexually assault her.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

roses are red violets are blue grass is green

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why do black guys have ashy elbows? Because of 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A:how many notzies dose it change a light bulb B:none they made the jewish do it. :(

thumb_up thumb_down -8

My friend who's a chef was stabbed by his own kitchen knife, everyone said it would be in bad taste to joke about it.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops