"MR PLATT!!!!!!" "Yeah?" "Telephone for you sir." "Oh, cheers Tony."

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You know you're drunk when you've spend a significant amount of time consuming alcohol.

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Me and the wife spent her Birthday in bed, if you know what I mean. We're both severely disabled.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chickens are simple-minded creatures and perhaps there was some source of food on the other side.

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Why the West African Rhino is extinct? They were never Horny

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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Why did the chicken cross the road---- because he's having financial and relationship related problems that make his life so hideously unbearable that he wants to kill himself and because he's a chicken and cannot overdose or hang himself he goes for the most viable option as to run across a busy street in hopes of getting smashed to oblivion by a car

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What do you call two mexicans playing basketball? Friends

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Where did Susie go when her town was bombed? Everywhere.

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Two Naked men jump off a cliff. Three months later, an entire pack of Cub Scouts were enrolled in group therapy. It's ongoing.

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What did the farmer say when his cow got stuck in a tree? Nothing, it didn't get stuck in the first place because cows are incapable of climbing trees.

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Yo mama's so fat because she has a glandular disorder that makes her fat.

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Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but an orange gourd. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

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Im Tom and I'm an alcoholic...

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Why does the chicken cross the road? 4

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To avoid being killed in the slaughter house.

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why did the man get ran over by a turtle? he crossed the STREET

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Who you gonna call? Gobstoppers

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Billy wanted a toy for Christmas. Sadly, Billy died before Christmas.

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You know what's stupid and gay? Idiots and homosexuals, respectively.

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What's long, hard and full of seamen? A submarine.

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What do you call a pool filled with black people? A pool

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What did the mormon say when he complemented the gay person? Nothing, because mormons hate gays.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops