What's cute and smokes? A cute person with a nicotine addiction.

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Why did the butcher have blood on his hands? He murdered his daughter.

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Why did the kid take the trash out to the movies? Because his mum said take out the trash

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Q: What happened to the monkey when he jumped off the tree. A: He died Q: Why did the second monkey jump off of the tree A: He was attatched to the first monkey Q: Why did the third monkey jump off the tree A: Peer Pressure

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why are balck people black because they are

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Have you ever noticed how those little packets of sweetner are really handy to have around when you like your coffee to be sweeter than its default bitterness?

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I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took an arrow to the knee and had armor so it deflected off. Then I found out my wife was pregnant.

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FAMOUS DUDE:SWAG! Thank you, thank yo- HEY NO FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY, NO YOU CANT HAVE MY-KABOOM AUDIENCE: . . . YAY CLAP CLAP CLAP.

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What do you get when you cross a spoon and a fork? A spoon crossed with a fork.

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When is a clown happy? At a child's birthday party.

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Eh yo Sean u mr. Kingston Hey, how are you doing?

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Knock Knock : F*ck im watching porn...

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations]) That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

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Your mom is so fat that she has diabetes and if she does not stick to her medical diet, her foot will be removed, but she started binge eating because of you in the first place, and if you don't straighten our your life, you will inadvertently be the cause of your mothers death.

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What smells like weed? the person who smoked it.

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A man walks into a bar, and immediately sees a person with a big orange head seated near the back. He asked the bartender "why does that man have a big orange head?" "Buy him a drink and maybe he'll tell you." So the man bought him a drink and asked the guy with the big orange head why he has a big orange head, and he told him this story: "I was traveling in the sahara desert 10 years ago when I found a pure gold lamp in the sand. I rubbed the sand off so I could read what was on the side when a genie popped out and gave me 3 wishes. First I wished for many riches, and at once gold was all around my feet. Exited, I wished for the most beautiful wife in the world, and right in front of me appeared the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Third, I wished for a big orange head.

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Asshole huh? Dont give me any ideas. Again you are not high on weed are you? Then that's really bad.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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Why did the maths book commit suicide? It wanted to be history

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What worse than a bee sting? Two bee stings. What worse than two bee stings? The Holocaust What worse than the Holocaust? Three bee stings

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There was an Englishman a Welshman and a Scotsman, all of whom were nationals of the United Kingdom.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Q: What's the difference between Osama's death and Paris Hilton's bra? A: One is Osama's death and the other is Paris Hilton's bra.

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What did the librarian say to the three black men in the library? Nothing. Those three men were Harvard graduates and were very respective of libraries, and thier policies.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops