Why did the boy cry when he got circumcised? Because he couldn't fap.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

guest what i love pancakes

thumb_up thumb_down +16

My name is Corey, and I am Dickbang Majestic. Q: Who is Dickbang Majestic? A: Corey is.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's johnny's favorite bedtime story? The sound of the subway. Johnny and his father are homeless and can't afford bedtime stories

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's funnier than a dead baby? A lot of things, because a dead baby isn't funny at all.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

"Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "A door to door salesman. Are you unsatisfied with the way your dish soap handles your plates? Then I have the product for you!" "I'm not interested in your product, but thank you anyway." "No problem. On an off note, how did you hear me? I didn't speak very loudly when I said knock knock, and I didn't even bother to knock on the door or ring the doorbell." "I have really good hearing." "Oh, okay. And for future reference, maybe you should open the door when talking to a visitor. Then body language gets established and the conversation flows more nicely that way." "That's some good advice, and I'll take it. Thanks, salesman." "You're welcome. On to the next house."

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's as hard as a rock? A rock

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q: where was Johnny during the bombing? A: everywhere

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do a black man and an elephant have in common? They are both multi-cellular organisms, they both belong to the kingdom Animalia, the phylum Chordata, and the class Mammalia, they both possess vertebrae, they both move through legged locomotion, they both possess knee joints and they both possess the capacity for altruistic behavior.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What happens when the hydro goes out for 1 second? 1 minute? 1 hour? 1 day? 1 month? 1 year? -1.8 people die. 105 people die. 6,306 people die. 151,338 people die. 4,603,198 people die. 55,238,376 people die. Aw shit, then you have to take account for how many people die of starvation :\, and the ones who froze to death, and the ones who died from heat stroke, And the ones who died of Alzheimers.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar. The redhead, growing tired of the constant ridicule directed at her from the other two, kills them. She pleads guilty to 3rd degree murder on two counts and is sentenced two life sentences in a maximum security prison in Cambodia.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Lets just say some of my boys owed me a favor, and that if we where all "clean slate workers" I would never have been able to pull some favors out of the higher ups. As far as for "these Shadows" of yours, I know nothing, while I invented the encoding format for the messages you use, I intend keeping it to myself. People here will still assume this is bullshit unless you get somebody to hack this site, believe me, its pretty damn easy to retrieve whatever data might have been lost.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Someone threw a cigarette at me today... What a fag.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the asian lady buy the large shirt instead of the medium? Because the medium didn't fit

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, living in the mountains? A: Cliff Q: What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs, living on the beach? A: Sandy Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? A: A victim of a serious crime, where murder was committed and the killer has a sick and twisted mind because he first cut off the man's arms and legs then nailed him to the wall with wooden pegs. Puppies.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A man walks into a bar. He suffers a fatal concussion and the playground is shut down by local police until proper padding is installed.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb? One.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! :)

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why was 7 afraid of 6, because 6 raped 5

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call a black man holding a stone with bloody hands A hard working stone mason

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A german police officer sees a Rabbi. Nothing happens, it's 2011

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What has a mouth but cant talk Helen keller What has eyes but cant see Helen keller What has ears but cant hear You guessed it an ear of corn

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't, a car ran him over.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

why was 6 afraid of 7 He raped him the other day

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops