Q: whats worse that sucking at piano A: the world blowing up

thumb_up thumb_down -16

why did the Mexican shoot himself? because his wife miscarried, hung herself, and his oldest brother had cancer. also when he was 5, his parents died in a car accident, leaving his abusive uncle to care for him. he also had erectile dysfunction which caused him severe pain. did i mention he was an illegal, homeless immigrant who was addicted to methamphedimine and owed several million dollars to a man who repeatedly raped him anally? he was.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How many dead babies does it take to fill a bathtub? It is highly unlikely one would have a supply of dead babies large enough to answer this question.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What happens when a right turn is finally made in NASCAR? The driver has successfully changed his tires and has been refueled, now he is pulling out of pit lane.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A man goes to his doctor and asks: ""What is wrong with me doc? One moment I think I am a teepee, the next moment I a, a wigwam." To which the doctor responds: "I have told you several times sir; you have stage IV pancreatic cancer."

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What's worse then the Boston bombing? The Texas bombing, considering Texas is a much bigger region then Boston.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Barack Obama, Mother Teresa and Stephen Hawkings had race. Who won? Barack Obama. This deduction can be made as Stephen Hawking is severely disabled by a motor neurone disease known as amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. Henceforth, he has very limited control over the majority of his body and is confined to a electric wheel chair. Thus, he could not participate competitively in the race. Moreover, Mother Teresa is dead. This unfortunate occurrence was caused by several myocardial infarctions in combination with pneumonia. Regardless of this, Mother Teresa's meek and frail build would slower her speed considerably; in comparison to Barack Obama's relatively athletic and robust frame. Nonetheless, President Obama is a smoker. Therefore, he may experience symptoms associated with emphysema during the race, causing him to retire. As such no-one would finish the race, leaving the spectators feeling very disappointed and empty.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Whats two plus two? Miles

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What did the lawyer say to the lawyer We are both lawyers

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why was the boy sad? Because his dad was a serious alcoholic who refused to go to rehab. Being an alcoholic constantly led to him beating the boy and his mother. Eventually, the boy couldn't handle this anymore, and he committed suicide. Realizing what he had done, the father also committed suicide. The mother is now locked away in a mental hospital, for she couldn't hold grasp of the deaths of her husband, and her son.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

when push comes to shove, shove repeatedly explains to push that she needs to stop stealing his money and find a new place to live. Push then leaves, allowing shove to return back to his sofa and finish watching the basketball game.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Roses are wilting violets are wilting YOU HAD ONE JOB

thumb_up thumb_down -18

"Knock knock..." "come in"

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why was the boy sad The boy wanted a puppy for his Birthday So his parents got him a Toy dog Later that year he was found dead with the Toy Dog shoved down his mouth gagging him.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

-Why did the man sue the train driver after he witnessed his friends death? -Because he was owed a duty of care.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Knock, Knock? Who's There? Not Suzie

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What shakes and twitches and can be found at the sea bottom? A scuba diver running out of oxygen.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Knock knock? Who's there? Cancer Cancer who? After some time and various bouts of radiation and chemotherapy, he finally lost his life to the terrible disease.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Who job is it to protect the forest? Obiously a male and/or female forest ranger of smokey the bear. It's that simple.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

How do you get your dog to stop barking? You snap its neck.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What color is the bus? Yellow What color is the bus? Yellow What color is the bus? Yellow What color is the kid? Red because he got hit by the bus.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What do you get when you cross drugs with a bathtub? Whitney Houston's worst nightmare

thumb_up thumb_down -18

If Timmy has 2 apples and Sarah has 7 apples, what is the square root of the distance of Mars and Jupiter divided by the speed of light if X equals the value of negative infinity given the equation X(2) - E=MC/7?

thumb_up thumb_down -18

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a would chuck could chuck wood? Home depot

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops