So a guy walks into a bar.... he gets a few drinks pays his bill and goes home

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A man with a broken arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "Yes, with proper medical attention and rest, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I broke my arm, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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Why did the middle-aged black man lose his job? Because in this day in age, many businesses are being forced to lower their pay-roll, and he could no longer be afforded.

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have you seen the movie, Constipated? Never mind, it hasn't come out yet.

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Robert Mugabe.

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One dark, stormy night, there was a man, limping slowly down the road. He looked across the road and noticed a little girl on a park bench. He carefully moved around behind , creeped up, and slowly tapped her on the shoulder. I tap 2 tap 3 tap The little girl slowly turned her head, and as she did, the man uttered 3 sentences.... "Would you mind helping me get back to my apartment, my hand was cut off in the war, while I was serving my country, which is why I have a hook as opposed to a hand. I was heading back to my apartment to greet my wife and 2 little children, since I just got back from a long day's work at the soup kitchen, helping those in need, and I sprained my ankle. By the way, my name I John Thompson."

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what do you call an elephant crossing a fish? a elephant fish

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What's worse than getting bit by a spider? getting bit by two spiders What's worse than getting bit by two spiders? getting raped What's worse than getting raped? a butterfly landing on you

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-Knock, Knock -Who's there? -Carl -Carl wh-wait... carl...CARL OH MY GOD!!!! WE ALL THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD ,CARL!!!! Where have you been? Oh my god... Mom's DEAD! When we all thought you were dead she hung herself! IT'S YOUR FAULT SHE'S DEAD, CARL! YOUR FAULT!!!!!! YOU ARE AN UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF SHIT CARL! YOU KNOW THAT? I hope you burn in hell.

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Whats funnier then a dead baby a dead baby dressed as a clown

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If Apple made a house, would it have Windows?

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:)I will always assist you in whatever you ever want. :(I want to kill you!

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Two Iranians walk into an airport They show their passports and proceed to fly to their home in Minnesota

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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i told my parents that i was having friends come over my dad said great my mom said great so i said great

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Roses are red Viloets are unicorns this? doesn't make sense Refridgeator

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3 men of different races walk into a bar. The bartender then proceeds to ask, "what would you 3 men like?"

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Doctor, my husband tells me he doesn't like my figure .... That's irrelevant now, you've contracted a rare blood disease and will be dead within a month.

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Your mama's p*ssy is so stank, she should probably consult her physician as she may have an easily treatable infection.

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Why did the teenager commit suicide? Because he was constantly being bullied in school, which caused him to be depressed. Days later he found out that his mother had breast cancer and was most likely not going to survive.

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How long is a china man?

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A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender looks down at him and says "Hey, we have a drink named after you." the grasshopper looks up at the bartender...then proceeds to hop along because Grasshoppers can't communicate with humans. Then several of the bars patrons looked at the bartender, worried for his mental health.

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A moose walks into a store and asks the lady where the potatoes are. She says "isle five". he walks to isle five and there were no potatoes

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Roses are shitty Violets are bitches I'm fat.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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