How do you kill Chuck Norris. Shoot him in the face

thumb_up thumb_down +3

,Do you know what hapened to the janitor who cleaned the school halls? He finished the job, got paid a reasonable amount and went home to his average family.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why didn't the blonde eat bacon? She was Jewish, and it was against her religion.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

whats worse than the smell of nail polish? burning jews.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What is worse than a papercut? Losing your legs in Vietnam.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Knock-Knock Come in! ...

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A black man walks into a bank with a gun and askes where the safe is then procedes to shoots 3 white men inside of it. Everyone thanks him for stopping the armed bank robbers and he lives out the rest of his life in happiness for he is a hardworking cop and risks his life to save others.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Whats he difference between a rock and a dead baby? I'm not spemding the rest of my natural life in an insane asylum for eating a rock!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: whats white and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you A:a fridge

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Uh, Liz, he is staring at the screen... He says you are right and knows, so he cant get mad, ill trust you both, but it better work, or this one is on me. Oh by the way, yeah he is eating, sorry its late here, and I am the only nurse here about now Ironically this place is full of doctors but they dont seem to give a crap about the man that pays their checks. Doctors said no, Nero said "you are fired" Doctor changes his opinion, glad to see he is taking charge around here, I am just worried about his sleep, he is beginning to halucinate and I doubt any stimulants will help. But fine, ill trust you, sorry, really shaking my boots here, I really do not want to, but this is not about me.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What was that pirate movie rated? PG-13

thumb_up thumb_down +3

a man walks off of a damn. a damn is not a noun, thus nobody can walk off it

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the boy drop his ice-cream? He was shot in the back, knifed in the face, kicked in the groin, poo'd on by an alpaka, had frogs stapled to his face, his hair burnt off, pushed off a cliff, eaten by a scorpian, lost his arms legs and eyeballs, squashed by a hippo, ran over by a buss, truck and cement mixer, had cement poured on his frogs (that were stapled to his face), became morbidly obese, was raped by a chicken, was served as sauce at an italian resturant, was done by his mother's father's grandson, broke both of his detatched legs, crashed his car, went into a time machine and was crushed by a stegosaurous, had a lemon squesed in his detatched eyes, got high on cokeawana, was crushed to death by a garbage disposer and was rejected by the hobo at the shelter? no, actually, he tripped

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What happen when a penguin walks into a bar? That is an almost impossible occasion. Penguins first of all waddle not walk and they only live in Antarctica and zoos, therefor they will not be able to enter one unless Antarctica becomes populated.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Once upon a time, people died. It was happening all over the land. They didn't LIVE happily ever after... since they died. The end... for them.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A Chinese man and an american lived together. The Chinese man said to the american man, "I'm going to walk the dog." The American said "OK." Later that night they were eating dinner. The American said to the Chinese man, "I don't think that I've had this meat before. What is it?" The Chinese man replied, "The dog." The American, surprised, spewed out the food he was eating. "THE DOG!?" he yelled, shocked. The Chinese man replied, "Yes, I TOLD you I was going to wok the dog!"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

In Soviet Russia..... the exact same thing happens, stupid.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A duck walks in wal-mart and buys stuff. The cashier ask how hes going to pay and the duck said just put it on my bill.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Ben has 3 apples and Charlie has 2 apples, how many carrots can fit in my anus? Banana, because cows have 4 legs

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side Why did the duck cross the road? I don't know. I only know why the chicken crossed the road.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme But this one doesn't

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the girl say to the mute? "Why are you so quiet?" How did the mute respond? He flipped her off.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops