Keira Knightley walked in to a coffee shop. The man behind the counter said "Wow, you're Keira Knightley!". Keira replied, "No, actually I am just one of your many masturbatory fantasies. You are currently staring at an old lady that just asked you for a latte". "Oh, by the way. You are drooling and have an erection."

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Q: IMAGINE that your in a heart racing battle with a huge grizzly bear when suddenly a bird picks you up and carries you to china and leaves you on the adge of a cliff which then you are chased by warriors and are forced to jump off the edge. What do you do? A: Wake up

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Wanna know how to confuse a black guy? Give him a fried chicken sandwich with mayo on it.

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Three men walked into a bar. None were injured because they were all wearing hard hats as is the procedure for a construction site.

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Why was Six afraid of Seven. Seven was in a horrible car accident recently and became very disfigured. He didn't tell Six, so the initial shock of seeing him for the first time was quite jarring for Six. Seven has had multiple surgeries since and, once the swelling recedes, he should look much better. It will still hurt for him to chew though.

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What do you call Batman with a knife in his chest? Dead

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Why was Jimmy upset? There is a frog taped to his face.

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Why did the fridge fall off its bike? Because someone threw a little girl at it.

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What did the potato say to the man It said nothing it is a potato

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I have alzheimer's, cheese on toast

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What's black and white and red all over? A dead penguin.

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You know that feeling you get when you see your crush walking towards you? No, I'm blind.

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What's green and would kill you if it fell on you? A golf course

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What is red, blue, green, and pink, tie died, and alive? Nothing.

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*puts thumbs up on own anti-joke. Nobody needs to know....

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patty was in sunday school, the teacher asked her "patty who created the universe?" john sliped into the seat next to her and jabbed her with a pen "LORD ALMIGHTY" the teacher said' good patty now who gave himself for us? john again jabbed her with a pin "JESUS CHRIST" "that very good patty now what did mary say to joseph after they had their 23 child?" john jabbed her " IF YOU STICK THAT DAMN THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME ILL BREAK IT IN HALF!!!" the teacher fainted

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Peer pressure

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Why didn't Hitler go to heaven? He killed millions of jews and was an atheist.

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pleas help someone is in my house i think hes trying to kill me i'm not even joking.

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i knew this one arab, who was so arab that there was nothing funny about him

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What did the baseball coach say to his son? Nothing. He was dead.

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Every human being has some kind of penis <3

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An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman come across a magic slide. They each decide to take a turn. The Irishman goes first, sliding down and shouting "GOLD!", and finding himself in a pile of gold as he reaches the bottom. The Englishman slides down screaming "SILVER!", and lands in a heap of silver at the bottom. The Scotsman takes his turn, and shouts "WEEEE!" as he slides down. He gets up and realises what a needless waste of a wish his enjoyment cost him.

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Yo momma so fat,she went on a diet and now exersizes regularly

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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