An Antihumorous Story Part One A rich man named Richard told his son James that he could have anything in the world for his thirteenth birthday. James only asked for one thing: a silver box containing 542pink ping pong balls. So Richard gave him a metal box containing 542 pink ping pong balls. Five years later, Richard heard a strange noise coming from James' room. It was the sound of a machine whirring, then a high pitched scream. All of a sudden, James bursted out of his room and ran out of the house. Later, the boy could not recall the incident. It was completely erased from his memory. For his eighteenth birthday, James asked for a golden box containing 785 pink ping balls. So it was granted him. For the next ten years, Richard kept a careful eye on his son. Every night, James could be heard whispering madly, "It's almost ready," over and over. For his twenty-eighth birthday, James asked for a simple wooden box that had one million pink ping pong balls inside. "What do you need all those pink ping pong balls for?" Richard finally asked. James froze, fiddling with something in the pocket of his jacket. "Oh yes, that. They were necessary for--" Then he got hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Beans, beans the magical fruit. The more you eat, the more likely you are to realize that beans aren't actually fruit. They're legumes.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I was watching two muffins baking in an oven. One said to the other, "Wow, it's hot in here." The other one said "Wow! A talking muffin!" I went to my psychiatrist the next day, to increase the dosage on my medication.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the man get a tattoo? A: he wanted to express himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a man with a gun? An accident waiting to happen.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Roses are red And heres something new Violets are violet They're not friggin blue

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did Helen Keller become blind and deaf? Because you touch yourself at night

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Horse walks into a bar. 'The barman says 'why the long face?' The horse says 'I've got cancer'.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What's big and green and would probably kill you if it fell out of a tree? A pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

kill yourself

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q: What's gray and comes in gallons? A: Gray paint.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

tiger woods played golf against peyton manning and yet tiger still cant win.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Girl look at that body, girl look at that body, I got passion in my pants... Actually I lied, I got a penis and testicles in my pants, but I'm afraid to show it because people might think it's small, sorry

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do you kill an elephant? -With a gun? No, an elephant gun. How do you kill a red elephant? -With an elephant gun? No, with a red elephant gun. How do you kill a blue elephant? -WIth a blue elephant gun? No, you choke it until it turns blue and kill it with a red elephant gun. How do you kill a purple elephant? Theres no such thing as a purple elephant, thus contradicting the reality of performing a major act of animal abuse on it.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Do cows get breast cancer or utter cancer?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I like the color potato.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did the guy say when he came out of the closet? Where's my green shirt?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Fine Nero, but I will be keeping an eye on you.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

DON'T TOUCH MY DUCK, IT HAS A ONE DOLLAR BILL

thumb_up thumb_down +8

whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? getting your Fallopian tubes ripped out by wolverine

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I was gonna tell a gay joke Butt fuck it.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

On a scale from 1-10, what is your favorite color of the alphabet?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

two tomatoes are running and one stops to tie its shoe and the other says "Catch up!" This begins to put the first tomato on the spot and he runs after the second tomato without finishing his shoe and he trips falls and dies of severe brain damage

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby wearing a clown suit.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops