Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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"MR PLATT!!!!!!" "Yeah?" "Telephone for you sir." "Oh, cheers Tony."

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What's white and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A refrigerator.

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A man was driving in his BMW one day when a mini passed him out on the fast lane. The BMW driver thought 'i can't have that!' so he sped up and overtook the mini. Unfortunately he wasn't paying attention and he drove into the back of a school bus. Ironically the bus contained the mini driver's 3 daughters, he was driving so fast because they had forgotten to bring their lunch and he was trying to catch up with the bus so he could give them their sandwiches. There were no survivors of the crash, except for the mini driver.

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a horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks why the long face? the horse, incapable of understanding any human dialect, promptly shits on the floor and leaves

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Why did jimmy cross the road? Because that was the direction the cannon was pointing.

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What do and Asian and an orange have in common? They are both complex, carbon based life forms living on the only world in the universe known to harbor life.

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Why did the baby fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second baby fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first baby. Why did the third baby fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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I'm a poet and I just didn't realise

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Warning: Are you 16 and curious and stuff? DO NOT SNIFF YOUR SISTERS HEAVILY PERFUMED PANTIES! Because you know hormones, and then 18 years later she uses the same perfume and... Yeeah.. ITS HORMONES! DON'T PRETEND YOU NEVER SMELLED A PUSS... Well, nevermind guys, I believe you :)) PS: By DO NOT, I mean DO! I mean just make sure you dont get your mothers panties, your sister is gonna be like "Omg you are such a perv you and your dick always up my face!" Then you can go all like "yeeeaah you wish!" Moms panties? Seriously man, that is just sick! You need to get some self respect!

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Your momma is so fat she has an increased risk or cardiac arrest due to obesity. I ridicule her based on the theory that her morbid obesity is due to the fact that she has a diet consisting of large amounts of calories and high fat content and/or she is known to be very sedentary and does not partake in physical exercise. However, if this increase in body fat content is due to genetics I retract my previous statement and wish only the best for her, also, you might want to lower your calorie intake and visit your local gym, lest you succumb to morbid obesity, much like your mother.

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hey i just met you and this is crazy i just had bath salts your face looks tasty!

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Why did the man take a shower?, he didint smell so good...

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What's green and has wheels? Weed. I lied about the wheels.

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A dog walks into a bar, the bartender quickly says to its owner that he must leave as dogs are not allowed in. Upon realizing that it is a seeing eye dog, the bartender retracts his statement and serves the owner a drink.

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Whats small and has Aids? Avery..

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what did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? we are both lawyers

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Q: Why is Abu Soooo Dank? A: Because he scores too many left-foot bangers

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Don't quote me on this Nero, but she kinda deserves it, she should know better, its not like you have gotten this far by not knowing your limits, even if you tend to break them way too often. Can you get rid of the hallucinations with your mind alone? If not get to sleep asap! And stay asleep for a month or so, and if they somehow cant feed your system intravenously, they can all get the fuck out of there.

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What's green and has wheels? A refrigerator, I lied about the green and the wheels.

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Two Jews, three Nazis, and a black guy go into a bar. Where they have a spirited debate about Canadian football. And leave without coming to any conclusions.

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How many pupils does the teacher have? 2.

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Why did the Jew hate bananas? He was deathly allergic to them.

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Quarters look shiny, Brass beats Copper, Dish is better, So enjoy the hopper. DIrect TV, is forever alone. Kinda like you, when your on your phone!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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