Q. What's long and hard and full of seamen? A. A penis. Oops, I misspelled "semen". Sorry. Also, to clarify, this doesn't describe the normal state of the average penis. Usually they are flaccid, and they can only be said to be "full of semen" at the exact moment of ejaculation.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How do you get dislikes on anti-joke.com? You can dislike your own post from several different IP addresses.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A man asks his wife to make him a sandwich, she proceeds to make a sandwich using rye bread, lettuce, two slices of tomatoes, a variety condiments, mustard and several slices of American cheese. The man eats the sandwich at a parade with his wife celebrating Woman's Rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q: Whats worse than dropping your ice cream? A: Dropping two ice creams. Q: Whats worse than dropping two ice creams? A: The Holocaust. Q: Whats worse than the Holocaust? A: Dropping three ice creams.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A man walks into a bar and orders a water. He then drinks his water and leaves. The following day he returns to the bar and again orders a water. He repeats this for many days until finally one day the bartender asks him why he comes every day to just drink water. The man replies, "Water is free. I got laid off from my job last week. Rough economy, you know." The bartender starts charging him for water, and the man becomes homeless.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q: why did the boy walk into the woods alone? A: nobody knows he hasn't come out yet

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Waffles ate my grandma

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q: What did the duck say to the other duck? A: Quack

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Spongebob: Patrick! Can you hear me? Patrick: No, it's too dark.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

If an anti joke is told, and it is about an aunty is it an aunty anti joke? Adolf Hitler.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What dd the man say to his wife? Make me a samich!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q: Why was the boy sad? A: Because his mother just got raped.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Your mother is average.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's yellow and can't swim? A bulldozer

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why was the blonde girl stupid? She had suffered sever brain damage the previous month and was still recovering.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the chicken cross the road? To meet his friend the horse at a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did the bullet say to Bin-Laden? Suck it

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the black man repeatedly punch the white man? The two men were boxers. They were fighting in a charity boxing match. Revenue generated by the event went towards cancer research.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder? An anachronistic hypothetical sporting event that would never happen.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the man start vacuuming his neighbor's floor? He had to get the GSR

thumb_up thumb_down +1

what is very tall and red a very tall red building

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the cookie go to the doctors? It didn't because cookies are Inanimate and are incapable of mobility

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did the Hungarian say before he went to bed? "I'm going to bed," but he said it in Hungarian.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops