A man walks into a bar... he is blind so it isn't funny

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a black guy flying a plane? A Pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

So a guy walks into a bar and says, "I can hold a spoon in between my butt-cheeks." Jillian Michaels asked him if that will help him lose weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

whats red and and has 202 legs? an ostrich, ok i lied about 200 legs and the red part

thumb_up thumb_down +8

You know what makes jokes funny? Irony You know what makes anti-jokes funny? Common sense

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do you know it's a bad day? When your brain does not release a high enough level of seratonin.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock Knock Who's there The military. We're under attack. The military we're under attack who? Dinos

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock Knock Who's there? John John who? John Williams.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why was the boy hanging from the ceiling? He was sad

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do you do to stop a baby who is circling? You nail his other feet.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the parents order the 16 year old daughter to move out of Virginia? Because she lost her virginity

thumb_up thumb_down +8

96 there mad at each other instead its 69

thumb_up thumb_down +8

why did the guitar player cross the road? to play his gig

thumb_up thumb_down +8

whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? lts of stuff like murder, rape, slavery, poverty, mindcontrol, mass genocide, the holocaust, racism, plagarism, physichal assault, war, terrorism, massacres, onsloughts, necrophillia, the dead rising, zombies, jokes on antijokes.com, awkward situations, dieing, cancer, ADHD, other mental illnesses, paint, the grim reaper, shinigami, stereotyping foreigners, prejudicism, bullying, armed robbery, hacking, viruses, incest, feral animals, getting lost in the forest, arsonry, pyromania, passing out in a bar, meeting a serial killer, and finding 2 worms in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because lately the posts on "anti-joke.com" have not been anti-jokes. Not even a little.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A student goes up to the teacher because he has to go to the washroom. The teacher tells him that he has to sing the ABC's before he can go. So the boy sings, "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ." The teacher said he did a perfect job and could go to the washroom. The boy went on to become a billionaire. Congrats!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Person 1: I got a really good knock, knock joke. Person 2: Okay. Person 1: You start. Person 2: Knock, knock. Person 1: Who's there? Person 2: ...

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Bitch your as two-faced as Doduo

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar, because they have turned to alcoholism because there is no God. GO COMMUNISM, BOO AMERICA.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What was that pirate movie rated? PG-13

thumb_up thumb_down +8

why did the mexican cross the road? To get into America. Why did the chicken cross the road? It was on its way to warn everyone that the sky was falling Why did the horse go to the other side of the field? He liked green grass. Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? cause he's Chuck Norris. Why did the man get a check in the mail every month? Cause he's black Why did Obama Cross the road? Cause he lost control of congress why is there all this blank space?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but an orange gourd. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the carrot jumped over the fence? It didn't. Carrots do not have the physical ability to jump.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I always like to pack a second pair of pants, because if there's one thing my mother ever said to me it was 'please, I'm begging you - don't put me in a home.'

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops