What happens if you go one louder? Nothing because you can't

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Why did Alex fall off the swing? he had no arms

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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It works on whoever I have an emotional attachment with, for example people might be thinking you and I write in the exact same style, but I am actually copying your way of typing (spelling, word composition etc) this because we relate on a deep emotional level with people that like "get us" because they can act and behave like us. This again doubles the effect of the hypnosis, since when I get "super high on trance" and you feel that way, well, we both reach into the same wavelength, literally. Scientists and hypnotists supposedly have no idea as to why this happens, but I know, it is because our brain patterns are so similar, that even though we are at a long distance, your body believes itself to be an extension of mine and the other way around. How do I know this? Yogurt.

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Why did the boy go to the hospital? He didn't. Unfortunately the gunshot wound severely injured the boy and he was unable to be revived in time to survive.

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What do tigers dream of when they take a tiger snooze? Mike Tyson

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"Why isn't Bud capable of reading?" Bud is a stone "Why can't Peter drive?" Peter is a woman

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its's not rape if you yell "suprise!"

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Why did the fridge break? Because someone threw a fridge at it.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To save his failing marriage.

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Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words are merely the smallest element of language capable of containing meaning and isolation and, as such could never directly produce the 4,000 Newtons of force per square centimetre required to break bones.

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Alcoholic walks into a bar and then walks out because he promised his children and wife that he would straight out his life.

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What is big, eats cats, smells good, but looks like shit? A big, cat eating, good smelling piece of shit

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who dosent like to wear shirts and is not straight Petko Manchev

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Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything is black, I am blind.

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What came first -- the chicken or the egg roll?

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Awesome! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <

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What do you call a poldo thats hafl poldo a

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Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He didn't. He threw at the girl, and that's why she fell off the swing.

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roses are red violets are blue cover me im goin in

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Hey, is that your corvette? No, I thought is was yours.

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What did the man say after being hit by a bus? Nothing he is now dead.

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A Black guy and a Mexican are in a car. Who is driving? The black guy. Its his car.

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What's the difference between a red door and a blue door? Fat black people.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops