- Anti Joke

If you are American when you walk into a bathroom and American when you walk back out, what are you when you are inside the bathroom? You're probably dispelling waste products from your body.

What did the pear say to the orange? Orange ya gonna say hi? What did the apple say to the banana? Nothing, apples can't talk.

What's better then petting a lion? Petting a lion and not getting eaten

What's red, black, and green all over? A dead black bear. Just no green.

a turtle walks into a bar and eats everyone

Bill: ask me if i am three ducks in a man suit Jim: are you three ducks in a man suit? Bill: yes

Q:What's the difference between my refrigerator and the trunk of my car? A: There isn't a spare tire in my refrigerator.

White men's rights

An asian is doing math hw then his dad drives through the door

Two muffins are sitting in the oven. One says wow its hot in here the other muffin said HOLY SHIT ITS A TALKING MUFFIN

hey did you hear about Osama bin laden? He was found by the CIA and killed on account of his atrocious actions.

Q: What did the train say when it sneezed twice? A: Trains are inanimate objects, thus they cannot sneeze or talk. Are you an idiot?

What did Jesus say when he was nailed to the cross? Nothing, he was in tremendous pain.

How do you wake up a black man? You stab him in the thigh.

A: u wanna die? B: does anyone really wanna die, i mean logistically, un-less u are suicidal, why would you wanna die? A: I do wanna die. B: ur a freak and you should consider getting help person A never got help, on his way to getting help at a certified physician he got hit by a bus, his body can be found at the intersection of church ave. and flatbush. And i would say rest in piece but cars drive over him daily, and thats not to peaceful

A blond Canadian and his Korean friend are going together to Korea. When checking in the person asks the Canadian if he has a return ticket leaving the country. He replies yes but he does not have it on him. According to Korean Customs and Immigration laws a non-Korean citizen must have a return ticket to enter the country. Inevitably follows a long and tedious process in order to procure the ticket in order to pass customs. The Korean and the Canadian continue to their boarding gate.

A man walks into a bar with a pack of Marlboros and promptly starts to light a cigarette. The bartender rushes over to stop him. "Hey! We don't allow smoking in here chump! Take it outside." The man replies with a big grin on his face. "Oh no sir. These ain't no ordinary cigarettes. My granddad gave me this pack a decade ago on his death bed." He pulls it out and shows the bartender 19 stale smokes. "He told me that any who took a single drag off any of them would have their biggest wish come true." the man recalled. The bartender had a perplexed look on his face and yelled "What the f* are you talking about? Get out of here before I curb check your a!" The man was then hastily escorted out by security. He then died 4 days later from autoerotic asphyxiation.

what did the indians give the pilgrims? syphylis

What's Black/White and red all over? Obama when he gets a little flustered.

-Knock, Knock -Who's there? -Carl -Carl wh-wait... carl...CARL OH MY GOD!!!! WE ALL THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD ,CARL!!!! Where have you been? Oh my god... Mom's DEAD! When we all thought you were dead she hung herself! IT'S YOUR FAULT SHE'S DEAD, CARL! YOUR FAULT!!!!!! YOU ARE AN UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF SHIT CARL! YOU KNOW THAT? I hope you burn in hell.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms Why didn't Sally get back up? She had no legs Guess who's getting prosthetic legs for Christmas! Not Sally.

A lawyer met with his client and said.. well, there is some good news and some bad news The bad news is that you're going to prison for life.

Why did the man die in a car crash? Answer: He was not fallowing the traffic laws and therefore risking the life of himself and others. This may have resulted from the possibility that he was under the influence of alcohol, he was under the influence of drugs, he was emotionally unstable from a bread up, he was emotionally unstable from because of an abusive family, he was emotionally unstable from losing his job, he had an abusive childhood, he was emotionally impaired, he was high from lack of oxygen, he wanted to wear a blindfold, he didn't like his car, liked to spin the steering wheel a lot, he thought the gas was the break, or he just didn't like traffic laws.

Q: why is halloween scary? A: because your there!!!

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops