Bro my d*ck is like 20 inches. That's not healthy, an erection that big will deprive your brain of too much blood and kill you

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What does it mean when you have big shoes? Either you were genetically born with big feet, or you are wearing sheos that are too big for you.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Boy 1: Hey do you want my last chewing gum? Boy 2: Yeah please! Boy 1: Same. The boy continues to eat the chewing gum and finishes his shit wandering why the boy walked into the same cubicle as him.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar. An impossible thing because he can't walk.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What is the difference between a person of Mexican heritage and a park bench? One is a bench, the other is a human being.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Smelly Indians.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Is this the Krusty Krab? No, This is Patrick.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you call a horny blond on the corner? A prostitute

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because I threw him

thumb_up thumb_down +10

That's what SHE said!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Roses are red Violets are blue Sugar is sweet You have pancreatic cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why couldn't little Timmy turn in his homework? Because on the way to school little Timmy was hit by a bus

thumb_up thumb_down +8

the fat lady said that it runs in the family im pretty sure nothing RUNS in her family

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Yo mamma is so old that she lives in a retirement home for the aged, and will most likely die there in several years.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Who do you call when you see a ghost on the street? GHOSTBUSTERS!!!! no, ghostbusters are not real, you call the police

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q: How many black guys does it take to black top a driveway? A: I can't give you a definitive answer unless I know the area to be covered, the thickness of material to be applied, and the capabilities of each individual working that particular day.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the man get a tattoo? A: he wanted to express himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did the Catholic Priest say to Chris Hanson? Nothing. He attempted to flea, and was quickly taken down by law enforcement. He was then detained and processed and charged with Intent to commit statutory rape with a minor under the age of 14. He's still awaiting trial.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

what happened to the guy that got shot in the head? Nothing, it was a water gun.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

An Antihumorous Story Part One A rich man named Richard told his son James that he could have anything in the world for his thirteenth birthday. James only asked for one thing: a silver box containing 542pink ping pong balls. So Richard gave him a metal box containing 542 pink ping pong balls. Five years later, Richard heard a strange noise coming from James' room. It was the sound of a machine whirring, then a high pitched scream. All of a sudden, James bursted out of his room and ran out of the house. Later, the boy could not recall the incident. It was completely erased from his memory. For his eighteenth birthday, James asked for a golden box containing 785 pink ping balls. So it was granted him. For the next ten years, Richard kept a careful eye on his son. Every night, James could be heard whispering madly, "It's almost ready," over and over. For his twenty-eighth birthday, James asked for a simple wooden box that had one million pink ping pong balls inside. "What do you need all those pink ping pong balls for?" Richard finally asked. James froze, fiddling with something in the pocket of his jacket. "Oh yes, that. They were necessary for--" Then he got hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Do you know what kind of world I dream of? Until you tell me, no I don't. How could I? I'm not telepathic, after all.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q. How do you make time fly? A. It is highly impossible to make time fly for there is 24 hours in a day, 60 minutes in an hour, and 60 seconds in a minute so therefore the time flows how it should and we do not have such power to do it even though many people claim they do when they know they really don't

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the boy cry? His Parents died.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

a 10 year old walks into a bar and orders a beer, he is then escorted out because you are not aloud to be under 21 years old to be in a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops