10% of car thieves are left-handed. 80% of chimpanzees are left-handed. Therefore, if your car is stolen, there's an 8% chance a chimpanzee is responsible.

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Doctor, Doctor, I feel like there's two of me! There's not. Your long lost twin died of terminal cancer.

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Q. What's yellow and looks like a duck? A. a baby duck

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a duck walks up to a lemonade stand, says to the man running the stand. quack, because he's a duck

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Why do Mexicans get made fun of? Because they are Mexican

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Knock Knock Who's there? Your landlord. Get the hell out.

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Why did the Mexican cross the border? To get into the USA for a better lifestyle.

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how do you know when your in love? massive erection.

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Q: Why did the Jew fit in with the White people? A: Because he, and his compatriots, have accepted the view of Judaism as a religion, and perhaps a lifestyle -- but not a race.

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Patient: Doctor, I was cleaning my glass eye and accidentally swallowed it. Doctor: OK. Lean over and spread your legs. Patient: (Leans over and spreads his legs). Doctor: My God! This is the first time, in all my years of practice, that I've ever seen an asshole looking back at me

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What is funnier than a dead baby? almost everything. there is nothing funny about a dead baby.

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Four blonds are driving to Disney World when they come across a sign that says Disney World left... So they take the left and enjoy themselves at the place many considered the most wonderful place in the world.

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We got him in about five minutes, the kid will already be exhausted by the point we get to him, r rather, he gets to us. Pretty quick for a small geek I got to say, the photography we got of him is an obvious Photoshop, but he seems similar enough I guess. I would call, but it seems someone has been messing with all other "Erron`s" homes and phones if I had not dropped mine, I would not have noticed we have been bugged for a while, pretty professional gear too,

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What did the priest tell his son? Nothing, priests can't have children.

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Whats funnier than a dead baby tied to a tree? Everything, infant mortality is a very sad thing.

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What did the rock say to the other rock? Nothing they're rocks? What did the tree say to the other tree? Nothing they're both trees? What did the pillow say to the other pillow? Nothing they're both pillows? What did the cat say to the other cat? Meow.

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i fell like im going to reverse john becase i ate a bikle penis jackson

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what do you call two arabs flying a plane? a pilot and a co-pilot

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's dead.

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Why did the ginger cross the road? To tell the police that her family had been taken hostage.

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Are yu mad Twinkle twinkle little star if yu don't shut up I'm gonna hit you with my freaking car

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Q. whats piggy called A. Patrick gearthey

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whats the difference between a black man playing basketball and a white man playing basketball? They are different races

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How do you kill a cripple? You bite its fucking face off

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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