how do you wake up lady gaga? you set her alarm for the intended time

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What did one muffin say to the other Muffin? Nothing, muffins have no method of communication in any way shape or form

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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An old man, and his daughter are walking down the street. They are having a nice time, until the daughter turns around to see the old man lying on the ground in pain because of the crippling arthritis in his back that has caused him agony and discomfort for years.

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A man finds a magic lamp and rubs it. A genie appears and says that he will grant him 3 wishes. The man says "I wish for a duck". POOF! He got a duck. Then he says "I wish for a penguin". POOF! A penguin magically appears. He thought long and hard for his 3rd wish. Then he said "I wish I had a turtle" POOF! Suddenly out of nowhere the genie disappears. The man looked inside the magic lamp and saw a small turtle. The end.

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Bruce Forsith's energy and charisma.

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"Knock knock" "The doors open" "Oh, okay"

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Q: what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean? A: A very unfortunate individual.

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whats the worst kind of homework? child abuse

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS.

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"Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "Interrupting Owl." "Interrupting Owl who?"

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Q:If Ryan Vallee walks into a room what do you do? A:Walk out -Ryan V

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Why do firemen wear red suspenders? To keep their pants up.

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what would Jesus do? Get crucified and die.

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wanna here a good joke? me too.

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What did the blind, deaf and mute kid get for Christmas? Cancer

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Knock, knock Who's there? I'm there.

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What do you call a billionaire who lost a large portion of their net worth? A millionaire.

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A blond went to a barber to get her hair cut. She had her ear phones in and tolled the barber not to take her ear phones out at all. So the barber was swiching her ear phones to cut her hair then she fell asleep so the barber took both of her ear phones off for a minute and then she died

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women's rights

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So a man walks into a bar, He says, "Hey bartender! Can I have some beer?" The bartender says, "Sure!" and hands the man a Bud Light. The man drinks the Bud Light and leaves afterward.

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Why did the director call cut? Because he was shot dead by Nazis.

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A girl accidentally clicks on an advertisement while on anti-jokes.com, the girl silently curses and quickly presses the back button.

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how do you know when you've had too much to drink? . . . when you're dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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