What do you call a dead child? The product of a car crash

What happens when you throw a yellow rock into a purple river? it makes a splash

I like cookies... GIVE ME ICE CREAM.

-Whats not funny and has wheels? >What? -The Holocaust... I was lying about the wheels

A girl hears a noise in the middle of the night in her kitchen downstairs. She walks down halfway through the staircase and asks if anyone is there, as if the intruder will say, "Yes, I'm in the kitchen. Want me to make you a sandwich?" *This will never happen. Movies are stupid when it comes to these scenes. No one will actually ask if anybody is there if they hear a noise in the middle of the night.*

Why did the Mexican jump of the roof? Because he had a serious meth addiction that was destroying his family and he could not live with the awful things he did to get his fix.

why did Mark Nara cross the road idk why? he didnt

? The person who made that "joke" down there has no life ?

What's the difference between a cow and a cow? Nothing, they are both the same.

Q:Whats Brown and sticky? A:Maple Syrup

What did the guy say before he learned how to Dougie? Teach me how to Dougie

A black man goes to his dentist appointment and the doctor asks, have you brushed your teeth today laderius? the black man replies: Yes, but my name is not laderius

This is Heading 1

What green and has wheels? grass I lied about the wheels

My gifts to my gf included: A diamond ring, a sports car, a house in malibu, a new credit card, a private jet, but most importantly, a Refrigerator.

What starts with the letter P and ends with 'orn'? Porn....

Magic! Well not really, you see, people that are stressed have the tendency to remain far longer into the state of hypnosis because their body conciously and subconciously (I am typoing it, but I cant bother to type it correctly fuck it) seek out the state of peace that hypnosis gives more often. Anyway, I know another thing that helps relieve stress, cough... Now, did you know that if you push your nose upwards slightly, you will feel a finger between your legs? its because nerve endings are connected that way, give it a go.

Your momma's so fat that she can't pass through some turnstiles and needs go through some other way with people staring and feel sad about it.

I like my women like I like my coffee... 2 cream 1 sugar.

Why did the chicken cross the road? He didnt, he got hit by a bus.

You life story is the perfect cure for insomnia. [L]

what did the Alaskan homeless man get for Christmas? Death

Too bad, because UNTIL YOUR FUCKING "POWER OF HUMAN KIND" CAN SUMMON UP A FUCKING EYEBALL! NOTHING WILL MAKE UP FOR THIS SHIT! "Oh, my the good old phonebook, I will... Now... try... to... seduce... you... with... my... "goodness" As far as "oh I know where you live", well nobody here is hiding fagface! So you come out of your "darkness or shadows or whatever" and let me stab out both your fucking eyes! And we are STILL NOT GOOD! And yeah, have your faggots stop calling themselves Nero.

Q: Why did your mom cross the street? A: Because she was so ugly that she fell off both sides of the bed