Guy 1: why are you such a douche? Guy 2: cause douches get the most p***y

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If I give you 5 dollars, and you give me 5 dollars, then we both still have 5 dollars, which when combined will equal 10 dollars. Meaning we could buy something that cost's 10 dollars or less. But we should probably also factor in tax, so we should only buys something that costs a little over 9 dollars.

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Bob and Joe are talking about how their grandfathers died in the Hulacaust. Bob says "Mine died in the gas chambers" Joe says "Mine got drunk and fell off the guard tower.

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Two horses were discussing their racing records. The first said, "In my whole life I had won ten races." The second horse says, "Well, I've won twelve of those!" A greyhound trotting by chimes in, "Not bragging guys, but in my career, I've won twenty!" "Unbelievable!" exclaimed both horses. "It's a talking dog!"

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what does michael jackson do to little boys? nothing, he's dead.

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A used condom filled with water and left on a radiator makes an ideal and inexpensive lava lamp.

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how many dead babies can fit in a microwave? 3 1/2

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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Whats the difference between a lemon and an ant? They're both yellow except for the lemon.

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Hey, is that your corvette? No, I thought it was yours.

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Why did the baby die, because he got herpes, so did his mother, there both dead now.

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An old jew, an irish man, and a young mexican woman in her mid 20's are on an island. They eventually become hungry to a extremely ravishing extent. The jew cries out: "I can't take the thought of consuming man, because I am only allowed to consume kosher" The Mexican says: "Alright" The Irishman says: "O.K. Until then lets head over to Timilio's... I hear they are a fine establishment and also serve Kosher meals."

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Your mammas so fat, she weighs significantly more than the average person.

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What is a baby chick after 9 days old? 10 days old.

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what do you call a black person who hated fried chicken? a vegetarian.

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Sometimes black people kill other black people.

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what did the boy with cancer get for christmas? i dont know he's jewish

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What's black, white and red all over? Nothing, I'm colourblind.

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This is funny.

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how long does it take a meth-head to rob your flat? not long at all, and they'll take everything. they need to, it's an addiction

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Why did the Japanese man commit suicide? He was terminally ill and decided it was his time to go

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Cars were invented after her death, so she never had the opportunity to learn.

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whats helen kellers favorite activity fingering herself

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Two dogs went out for a walk. Then their master took them home.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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