Did you see my sandwitch? No. I am your sandwitch, and therefore no one thought to put me up to a mirror. Would you like me to? No. I have no eyes. And why are you talking to a sandwitch??? ...

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Priest: "Matt, will you take Senae to be your wife, your partner in life and your one true love? Will you cherish her friendship and love her today, tomorrow and forever? Will you trust and honor her, laugh with her and cry with her? Will you be faithful through good times and bad, in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live?" Matt: No

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Who's the biggest badass in the nation? Adrenaline junky Jacobs!

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What is about the size of a sausage, flesh-colored and looks like a penis, if you illuminate it with a flashlight on monday nights? - a penis.

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Person 1- Ask me if I am a tree Person 2- Ok, are you a tree? Person 1- Nope

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What did the blind man say to the bartender? Nothing, I forgot to mention he's also mute and has no legs.

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Q. What did the wierd kid get for christmas A. A Pokemon diamond edition

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What did the black college graduate say to the Jewish high school dropout? Do you want me to also clean your fourth floor executive bathroom, Mr. Bernstein?

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What did Charlie do when he lost his golden ticket? He killed his grandpa to get it back.

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Q: Why did the duck eat some grass? A: because we are so careless that we caused global causing the entire pond to shrink to a size where it cannot raise a family and the fish could not prosper so the duck could not eat what it had forcing it do consume an inedible substence causing it to die because is not a natural part of a ducks diet

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Friends are like potatoes, when you eat them, they die.

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why is 6 scared of 7 because 7 is scary...

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what did the blue paint say to the red paint? i am blue

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Your mom is so fat she wears large clothes

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Roses are red. Violets are red. Your garden's on fire.

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what did the tomato say when he was cut open? nothing, because vegetables are unable to speak

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whats white and sticky? a white stick

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So a Jewish Family wakes into a German Pizzeria. They were very satisfied with the service and ended up tipping the waiter 20%

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How many hookers fit in your bed? 12, if you have a king-sized bed, and 8.7 if you have a queen-sized bed.

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why did the 42 inch plasma screen blow-up 6 hours before the england match ? because it knows .

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What happens when you drop a baby? It falls.

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who ate all the food in zimbabwe? Nick bigg.. he later died of cancer and aids

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Why didnt timmy go to the party Mom said no

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Why couldn't the dwarf mother reach for the top shelf? Her height was at a mini-mum.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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