Help, this is an urgent message from the S.S. Obesity. We're sinking; I can't imagine why.

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So three black men walk into a bank, one of them uses the ATM, they all proceed to the exit after he is done.

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a man walks in to a bar. he says oww.

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What is funnier then a dead baby? A dead baby dressed as a clown!

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Your mom as so fat that I'm gonna give you the name of this doctor because I really care for you...... And don't want to see you so stressed because she is so fat.

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"Seriosly" You got a life buddy? Are you okay? Cant you see that I am totally rocking out on my imaginary air guitar which is now inside your mind? No you are not okay! Moral: YOU ARE NOT OKAY SPREAD THE WORD! INFORM THE WORLD! YOU ARE NOT OKAY! Moral2nd: "Seriously" though dawg, you cant keep watching over me all the time, I mean you I smell the hypocrisy, but are you guys AAAALWAYS HERE? DO NOT REPLY! WE REPEAT, DO NOT REPLY!rq

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Why bouriquet fall off the swing? Ask him.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I forgot the rest, Don't laugh at me...

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I have a meeting with a man about a horse. I have a chance to win the triple crown. Barboro is gonna do awesome. Oh wait he is dead.

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Why weren't the two gays invited to the office party? Because there is no office party until december, therefor no one was invited.

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What do you call a saxaphone playing unicorn, that's flying away to a distant planet on a penguin? a dream

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Q: A blonde, a red-head, and a brunette all jump off the bridge at the same time. Who hits the ground first? A: As stated by Sir Isaac Newton's third law of gravitation, all three fall to their deaths at the exact same time because the velocity of a falling object is unaffected by the mass of that object... or their hair colour. Idiot.

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Me: Ask my if I'm a secret agent. You: Are you a secret agent? Me: I cannot disclose that information.

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An Irish man, Scots man and a Welsh man walk into a bar. The barman says, "what is this some kind of joke?!" Peter, who lives in Cardiff, returned home, depressed that he is viewed as some sort of clown. It reminded him of when he was a school boy; a giant spot appeared on his nose. The kids just laughed at him. "Don't worry Peter" he said to himself, "It will all be over now... He later hung himself. His family have been informed.

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Why did the Jew rob the bank? -He was a criminal.

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How did the man jumping out of the plane at 33,000 feet survive? Because he had a parachute

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All the planets are named after gods Ours is named after dirt....

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on a scale from a banana to a pound coin - how much do you like the works of antonio vivaldi?

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What do you call a 46 year old man with one eye 4'5 and has one arm coming out of his chest Steve

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whats the difference between a bench and a mexican? a bench can support its family

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Why do women fake orgasms? Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

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an englishman,scotsman,and irishman walk into a bar the englishman says " a pint of lager please" "that will be 10pounds , says the barman "Im not paying that , ill see you in court" says the englishman . The same thing happens , in turn to the scotsman, and irishman ,and a summons is issued. In court the jugde says "why are you charging drinks too dear?" the barman says "im not, im selling them to a englishman ,scotsman, and a irishman..

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Bill and John are talking about types of cheese. The conversation drags on a bit and slowly changes topic. Bill says "I bet you I can bungy jump off a bridge". John chuckles before replying "I bet you can't". They go and find a bridge and Bill puts on his harness and ties himself to the side of the bridge. He throws himself off the edge and falls through the air screaming at the top of his voice. John cuts the bungy cord and Bill dies.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Spilling Dr. Pepper on your carpet

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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