How do you stop a baby from crawling in cirlcles? nail its hand to the floor

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What is white and will kill you if it fell out of a tree? Charles Manson

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A penguin walks into a bar and orders a beer................ PENGUINS DON'T WALK OR TALK

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Friends are like potatoes, If you eat them, they will die.

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What do you call a person with disabilities? Names.

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A man walks into a bar and the barman says "Why the long face?" And the man replies "I am severely deformed".

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What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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What was going through the minds of the Sandy Hook victims? Bullets.

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Executioner: Would you like to make a statement? Mr Murderer: Yes, I would love to sing a song. Executioner: Very well. Begin. Mr Murderer: There were 6 billion in the bed, and the little one said roll over, roll over. So they all rolled over and one fell out...

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Two men walk into a bar...They are traveling together for a convention and like pub type bars and are excited to be there.

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When will Abe Vigoda be alive again? Never. There will never again be a time when Abe Vigoda will be alive. For example, Abe Vigoda will be dead for the entirety of the year 2038. He will continue to be dead if we move forward to the year 2091, and even if we keep jumping forward throughout history, stopping in the years 2250, 2871, and 3546, we will not land in an era when Abe Vigoda will be alive. Another way to look at this is to imagine Abe Vigoda had died in earlier years. Let's say he had died in 1902. Would he be alive today? The answer, sadly, is no. We get the same answer if we suppose Abe Vigoda had died in 1822, 1715, or ~ 85,200,000 BPE. To sum up, it is not precisely accurate to say that Abe Vigoda will be dead for a very long time. That implies a limit on the amount of time he will be dead. There is no limit.

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How many black people does it take to change a light bulb? one, its a fairly easy task

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One day an Indian boy asked his father why they have such long names? The dad answered him in a such a simple and concise way, that the little boy understood.

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Why doesn't little jimmy ride his favourite bike to school any more? He was playing on the platform at at the railway station, tripped and fell across the track, at which point a seven carriage train came through at over 150 mph and cut through his upper thighs crushing everything in his legs and causing them to fall off.

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You think I'm pretty without any makeup boy..... Let's bang.

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1 out of every 3 relationships someone is cheating, I wonder if it was my wife or my girlfriend

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Me. Me Who? Me. Uh.

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what do u say when u meet somebody new hello

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rocky is here again.......................

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Committing Suicide #YOLO

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Why is it when birds fly in a "V" shape one side is longer? There's more birds on that side.

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Yo mamas so fat We are all concerned for her health

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In soviet russia...the abundance of natural oils and rich agricultural land provide it with a thriving economy

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Why didnt the guy eat cereal? Cause he didnt have any

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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