KNOK KNOK WHOES THERE APPLE APPLE WHO SEE THIS IS Y U BROKE UP

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The family performs an array of disgusting sexual acts. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "It has no name."

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Why doesn't little jimmy ride his favourite bike to school any more? He was playing on the platform at at the railway station, tripped and fell across the track, at which point a seven carriage train came through at over 150 mph and cut through his upper thighs crushing everything in his legs and causing them to fall off.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Being unaware of his surroundings, the chicken was startled by an oncoming motor vehicle. Due to the animals vapid logic an reasoning, based on impulse it quickly ran to the other side of the street to avoid its imminent death by the speeding automobile. Unknowingly, the chicken had reached the other side of the road,

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Knock Knock Who’s there? Wolf Wolf who? Wolf who!? Is that really the first question that comes to mind when confronted with a talking wolf?

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What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

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Why didn't the Mexican dwarf eat his taco? Well, he actually started, but his stomach was not big enough to finish. So, he gave half to his friend who gladly accepted the free meal.

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What happened when the prisoner dropped the soap? He picked it up.

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An epileptic man attends a rave.

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What's the difference between a blonde and a brunette? The pigmentation of their hair follicles.

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Q: Why did the Unicorn cross the road? A: It didn't Unicorns are fictional creatures.

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What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong? Neil Armstrong was the first man to WALK on the MOON. And Michael Jackson was a child molester.

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A fish swims into a wall. It does not say anything, seeing as fish do not possess vocal chords and therefore are incapable of speech.

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What do you get when you jab a four year old with a pair of scissors? A warrant for your arrest.

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What's worse than finding a hair in your soup? Slavery.

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How do you get 100 Jews into a Volkswagon? You don't. It's impossible to fit that many people into a car that small.

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Two men walk into a bar, one ducks

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?Three men walk in to a bar. one walks with a limp. The other two make fun of him and joke of his inability to walk as well as others around him.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Who cares what a Chicken does?

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roses are red. vilets are blue. I'm getting hungry. make me some food...bitch.

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a dad farts in the woods nothing else happens

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Q) What do you get when you cross a brown chicken with a brown cow? A) An abomination

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Freddie Mercury died of AIDS. Many consider him a musical hero.

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"Did you fall from heaven?...Cause your face is really messed up."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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