My mom told me about a funnel they make for women now that they can use to pee standing up. I told her it was a ploy to promote feminism.

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A kangaroo walks into a bar, he hops up to the bartender, and asks for a martini. The bartender, not knowing exactly what to do, goes into the back to his boss's office. He says "Hey, there's a kangaroo up front askin' for a martini...do we serve kangaroos?" His boss replies "Ya, of course, but these kangaroos, they aren't too smart, so charge him like 50 bucks for the drink." The bartender agrees and goes back up front to serve the kangaroo. He pours the martini and hands it to the kangaroo, the kangaroo thanks him and says "How much do I owe you?" The bartender replies "50 bucks." The kangaroo then reaches into his pouch, pulls out a fifty dollar bill, and puts it on the counter. He finishes his drink and begins to hop away. As he is leaving, the bartender says "Hey, wait, we don't get many of your kind around here, why is that?" And the kangaroo replies "I'm not surprised at THESE prices!!!" and hops out.

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a

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you know what they say... hydrate or die

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An insane individual walks into a bank and asks for $500. The teller refuses since he doesn't have an account, so the individual pulls out a gun and asks the teller again. The teller presses the silent panic button, causing the cops to show up and arrest the gunman, but not before he manages to shoot the teller and the small child standing next two counters over.

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Why is Jem no longer a cartoon? Because they all died from toxic hairspray.

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Asian: what time is it? other person: time for you to open your eyes.

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Q: A black man is walking down the street with a television, where did he just come from? A: Best Buy, he just got a bonus, and wanted to reward himself.

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What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? People leading healthy, active lives physically and socially.

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why did Sarah fall off the swing? because she had no arms. Knock knock! who's there? not Sarah.

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What do you call something that comes out of a llama's butt? poop

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I got a fever, and the only prescription is more ibuprofen.

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What's worse than finding ten babies nailed to a tree? One baby nailed to ten trees

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Three a man is trapped on a desert island and a genie offers to grant him one wish. The man accepts the existence of the genie and then wishes for unlimited wishes for the rest of his life. The man takes over the world.

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How do you make a man sad? By drowning him in a Bede.

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Why did the man walk into the bar? He wast thirsty.

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You wanna hear an inside joke? That was one of them.

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What do you call a with no arms and no legs floating in the water? About to drown.

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Q : Why was the little girl crying? A : Because she tripped and hurt her knee.

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lets see how many dislikes i can get from this...

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Q. What's the difference between dead babies and celebrities? A. Nobody likes celebrities.

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Limericks are fun, I have an orange Nothing rhymes with orange crap orange

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Take My Wife- Because as it stands, I'm having frequent, toe-curling, unprotected sex with your wife. And that just doesnt seem fair.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? This isn't a car

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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