What did the clam say to the scuba diver? FUCK MAN! STOP TOUCHING MY JEWELS! WOULD YOU WANT ME TO JUST RIP YOURS AND TAKE THEM WITH ME!

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HEY WATCH OUT FOR THAT TRUCK! What truck? Weird I could have sworn I saw a truck...

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Q. Whats long and and can drip out fluids? a tap.

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What is the difference between a trampoline and a pile of dead babies? I take my cleats off when I jump on trampolines

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Knock Knock Who's there? The Police. Come out with your hands up!

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How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men

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what is better than your entire family getting brutally murdered applesauce

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A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic and his problem is destroying his family.

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Two people walk into Israel. The first is shot on the spot. The second screams "I only have two pennies in my pocket!" Immediately he is raped by five Jews.

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Girl: How do I know if I'm Jewish? Guy: Are you Jewish? Girl: No. Guy: There ya go.

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Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? I can cook a pizza.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was baked.

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Roses are grey Violets are grey I am a dog Woof.

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want to hear a cat joke? i'm just kitten....

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What does a kid with no arms and legs get for christman.... Cancer...

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ive got nothing funny to say, so this is what its like to be a woman

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It was okay, then Alice my friend and a nurse insisted (she can be a total bitch) I take a painkiller, of course that messed up my focus completely and threw off my hypnotic suggestion which I use to shut down the pain receptors. Ironically I cannot seem to shut off my allergy to dust. Oh, yeah it was the standard bullshit Mensa test, ten patterns or something, oh and while I am terrible at trivia, I am actually much smarter than a fifth grader, I mean one kid told me he was smarter because he could do math better than me and he could, so I choked the little bitch to death, who is the smartest one now?

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Arrow in the Knee!

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Q: What is the scariest thing ever? A: Child Birth.

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If your riding a jet ski and the wheels fall off Then how many pancakes does it take to Cover a dog house Purple because ice cream doesn't have Any bones

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Why was the cook arrested? Tax evasion.

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what did the black guy say to the white guy im black

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Why did the poorly educated man get fired from the M&M factory? He changed the M's to W's!

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Last Christmas I gave you my heart But the very next day Your body rejected it and you went into cardiac arrest, we both died

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops