A black guy walks up to the cash register at a gas station with his hands in his pockets... He pulls out a 5 dollar bill and buys a pack of gum.

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Two flatfishes swam in a bathtub.

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What did the cat say to the dog? Nothing. Cats can't talk.

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Why is Evan short? He was born that way.

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Patrick: My name is 24. Spongebob: Hey, Patrick, you know whats worse than 24? Patrick: What? Spongebob: 911.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Whats worse than a pile of dead babies? A live on at the bottom.

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You are pretty bad emulations, first of all you should all swear and cuss a lot, that way you never get green thumbs and you all get minimal attention (negative attention) from people whose messages do not concern. I mean come on, if you are all different, you gotta admit that you are all good at typing like the very same person, its just that, none of them are good at sounding as the guy they are trying to emulate.

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what happened to the fat lady she went on a diet and is now skinny but she cant resist mcdonalds big macs so she quickly become fat

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What's the difference between a bird and a wheel? They both fly, I lied about the wheel.

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I was gonna make a joke about a my dick... Racecar

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Why did the girl get her hair cut off? Because she had cancer

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What's big and green and if it fell out of a tree it could kill you? A snooker table

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A bear and a rabbit both take a dump in the woods below an old oak tree. They look at each other, smile and nod their heads in acknowledgment of one another. The bear is first to let go of his rather large load and a loud THUMP is heard throughout the woods. Shortly after another and then another. The rabbit looks at the bear for a moment then turns closes his eyes and begins to strain. Finally the sound of what can only be described as a machine gun rattles through the wood. Looking impressed the bear looks over at the rabbit as it pops off its last few pellets. When the rabbit is finished the bear asks "Do you have a problem with the shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit thinks for a moment then looks at the bear and says "Umm... No, not really." So the bear uses the rabbit to wipe his arse.

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what do you call afish and a cat? a catfish

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Little Jack Horner sat in a corner eating a Christmas pie. He died the next morning because it was Easter and the pie had remained unrefrigerated since the holidays. His parents were brought up on charges of neglegent homocide. Plus, they had a meth lab in the guest bathroom and ran a prostituion ring off of Craig's list. Jack's sister is now in the care of loving foster parents,who plan on adopting her and she misses her brother. Easter is a sad reminder of her former life, even though she is now a devout Christian and acknowledges the day as that of our Lord's ressurection. She plans on going to college to study nursing, someday.

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Why the hell does my sister shower in a swimsuit every time? Its not as if anyone is looking! ALRIGHT! ONCE ALRIGHT? ONLY ONCE! But then she hears the sound of my zipper ONCE and the shit hits the fan! Which is weird, yeah suuure she hears it when I pull it up, but when I pull it down and stroke it and moan? Nada!

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Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling? He has flourished throughout his musical career and is a very accomplished man, as he has won many Grammys

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Whats the difference between a black man and a paraplegic? A paraplegic doesn't walk out on his family

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You can tell I have many friends because I got them to like this.

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Three bitches walk into a bar, and die

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Whats worse than getting broken into by a robber? Looking at Obama

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Knock knock. Who's there? Super Monkey Ball Deluxe. Super Monkey Ball Deluxe who? Oh no.

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Yo mama so fat, that she feels uncomfortable in a bathing suit.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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