what do you say to your girlfriend just after the best sex you ever had? I really got great value for money tonight with my prostitute sweety. You should have been there

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What happened to the man who had the most loving parents and family when he was born, had an amazing childhood which he shared with so many good friends, was loved everywhere, helped the poor, started a fundraiser for starving kids in africa, got a college education, helped a complete stranger get off his drug addiction, married a beautiful woman, bought a nice house and had 3 children who he loved dearly and spent time with as much as he possibly could, tucked them in every night and enjoyed every second of his life as if it was his last? He died.

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What's read, round and gets smaller? A baby combing its hair with a potato pearler

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Andy Carrol

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A doctor rides in his Mercedes Benz through a rough, poor part of town. He sees a homeless person who is begging for money. The doctor stops and gets out of his car and asks "Ill give you some money if you need it for food". The homeless person then shoots and kills the doctor, takes his wallet, and buys crack.

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Did you hear about Helen Keller's dog? Neither did she.

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So, I'm sitting by this guy in Science class and we're learning about fungi. So this guy is being really nice and I tell him, "Bro, you're just a FUNgi to hang around", like fun guy.

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Hey, how much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to drown as a result of climate change.

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Q: How do you keep a carnival fish for more than a week? A: Place it in formaldehyde when you get home

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How many light bulbs does it take to garner an unnecessarily large crowd of a single ethnic group of people working together to simultaneously replace said light bulbs and uphold their cultural stereotypes? What the hell's a light bulb? I'm a culturally illiterate Amish man.

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Top ten reasons Microsoft Doors is better than Microsoft Windows. 1. Easier to open. 2. Doors do not crash... Windows does! 3. Watching pron? Your mother around? JUST SLAM THAT SHlT ON HER FACE! 4. Saves power! (Its easier to just shut and open doors) 5. Doors are a lot easier to get trough than windows. 6. When windows wishes you welcome the first time you install it, you still cant wipe your damn feet on it! 7. Its easier to surf on the internet on top of doors than on windows. 8. While Windows is easy to hack because you can try codes forever, you can just buy a good lock on your door and shut it. 9.The sun glaring on your screen trough your windows? GET MICROSOFT DOORS! 10. I dare you make one, i live doing this shit. Capcom before. And special thanks to you! Thanks for playing! Capcom now: Fuck off thats not DLC paywall! its actual downloadable only content! Just pay 45 bucks to get all colors to all characters.... ...Downloading Allcolors 10kb

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If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed. I will also remove you from my friends list on Facebook because stealing isn't nice.

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Why did the boy cry when he sat on Santa's lap? Because Santa's boner reminded him of his pedophiliac step-father.

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Doctor Doctor I think I'm a dog. Sit down on the couch and tell me about it. Ok.

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a duck walks into a restraunt.and the waiter asks "what would you like?" a quacker (like cracker)

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Stand back, I don't want to hit anyone with the axe.

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What would you call Shaquille O'Neal if he was on the moon? Shaquille O'Neal, or any nickname you may have for him.

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What do a grape and an elephant have in common? They're both purple, except for the elephant.

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What did everyone call the ginger kid? Jimmy as that was his name...

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A neutron walked into a bar and asked "how much for a drink?" The bartender did not reply because a neutron is so small he didn't notice that it even entered.

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religion

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What did the Jew say right before a boy threw a quarter in a fountain? Make a wish.

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i killed a blind guy when he wasnt looking

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Whats big, purple and hairy. Has 4 eyes and 2 brains? Nothing.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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