Once there was a dog, another one came to it and then there were two.

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OMG, THIS ACTUALLY WORKS!! 1. Hold your breath? for 5 minutes. 2. Die

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Why did the guy hate the man that said,"I respect you?'' Because the man was Hitler.

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A black man with a blond beard came to deliver me a pizza. I paid him, tipped him, and closed my door. I forgot the pizza. Dammit.

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Man: Did It Hurt Woman: Did what hurt? Man: When your legs were crushed after being run over by that semi

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Why did the 14 year old girl have sex? Because she's in love with her boyfriend and that's how she expresses it.

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A teacher, a consturction worker, and an army general are on an airplane. The pilot tells them the plane has too much weight, and if they don't each drop one item then the plane will crash. Realizing one item each is obviously not enough weight to throw off, the teacher and the construction worker team up and throw the army genral off the plane. They land safely, and live the rest of their life haunted by their vile actions.

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The only thing worse than finding a repeated joke on Anti-Joke is finding a REAL joke on Anti-Joke

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There are two men waiting in line at the supermarket. One of the men reaches forwards and taps the other one on the shoulder. He says, "You dropped your wallet.". He picks up his wallet and both of the men continue on with their day.

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A man walks into a bar.....he then slips on an ice-cube and suffers massive trauma due to the fall. The owner is sued by the mans family and subsequently loses his business. He can no longer provide for his family. His wife is two weeks away from giving birth to their third child.

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Why was the man eaten by a tiger? Because tigers are carnivores, but why are they carnivores? Because they eat meat.

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Why did blonde drown? As a child a child she never learned to swim since she did not enjoy swimming.

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Why was the little boy afraid of Mr.Clean? Because he reminded him of his father who was an alcoholic and used to beat him savagely.

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Q: There was a train wreck in the middle of nowhere, every one died, no one saw the train wreck, so how did the story about the wreck get out? A:Many philosophers believe that the universe is a figment of its own imagination. Therefore, if "the universe" decided that it wanted the story to get out, it could have just made it so since it is its own imagination.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue.. wait wut are u a bitch Violet are not freakin blue its Purple

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Whats worse than stubbing your toe? Getting shot.

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Roses are red, my name is Dave. This poem makes no sense, microwave

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Why was the chinese man kicked out of the bar? Because he was under aged

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Knock Knock. Who'se there? It's Dave. Dave who? Um, you invited me over here. Open the damn door.

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What is worst about the great white shark? It's hundreds of sharp teeth, strong tail, or subtle racism? Probably the teeth.

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What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly my dick down your throat.

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What time will the little girl get up for school? Never, she died in her sleep.

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Q: Why are black people black? A: Cause they're from Africa.

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whats red and brown and goes about 30mph? a squirrel in a blender.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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