Roses are gray Violets are gray ROFL I'm a dog

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A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Can I have... ...a beer." The bartender asks, "What's with the large pause?" To which the bear replies, "I have... ...a speech impediment."

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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How did the boy break his hand? He slammed it in a car door.

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Do you know the reason people like sleeping? It's because they have good dreams. Ooh la la.--

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Why did Greg move to the Lake District? Because his dog died and the family is in mourning.

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What's green, fuzzy, and can kill you if it fell from a tree? A pool table.

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What's similar about a mole and an eagle? They both are blind and dig through the ground. Except the eagle.

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The grandfather's grandson said, "They charged me $10 just for a cup of coffee!" The grandfather said, "They charged me with bayonets."

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What did Canada say to America? We will not become apart of the United States where people are known as Fat Nascar lovin hicks!

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I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. When I get all steamed up here me shout: Absolutely nothing because I'm a teapot you maniacal psychopath.

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Have you ever had Ethiopian food? .....Neither have they.

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-Whats not funny and has wheels? >What? -The Holocaust... I was lying about the wheels

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why did the monkey buy a shoe? to put em on!!!!

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why did the kid die? his mom shot him

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whats the difference between friends and cement? if you soak friends in liquid and then repeatadly shock them they will die

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Q - What do you call a hamburger without pickles? A - You call it a hamburger just without the pickles.

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Excuse me, I have a shitload of stuff to do, so you are Eliza huh? I thought that was just one person conveying something to someone. Anyway, what is your name? My name is actually Nero, but you do not strike me as an Eliza, first name is more than enough. You know, if you dare, Ill be back shortly, I was gonna shower but then again, I haven't moved at all today, so yeah. Saved you? I have never saved anyone well, excuse me then, see you around, worry less about people bothering with us chatting, hell they might risk learning something (not a chance, people here are fucking jackasses, with one exception, and I do not mean me this time).

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Wait what? What if you use the what what? Sorry I am still like super hypnotic trippy, dont worry though, I dont want it to end.

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why did the hedge hog cross the road? To get to his 'flat' mate!!

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Why did the elephant fall out of the tree? Because the branch broke.

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What's more funny than an anti-joke? A joke.

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What did the man say after being hit by a bus? Nothing he is now dead.

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Women are like fish. It's hard to tell when they are crying underwater.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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