- Anti Joke

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Being raped by your uncle

What do the world and jelly beans have in common? Nothing.

What do you call it when a dead man has his wallet stolen? Rob Zombie.

Knock knock Who's there? NYPD you are being placed under arrest come out with your hands up.

How do you get down from a horse?? You don't... You get down from a duck.

When is Florida not the sunshine state? At night.

What's worse than losing a basketball game by 1 point? Dying of lukemia.

What's brown and sticky? A lump of shit.

what did the boy with dyslexia get for his birthday? bad grades

Roses are red Violets are blue There's nothing else I want to say

Knock Knock Who's There? The I.R.S.

Why doesn't little jimmy ride his favourite bike to school any more? He was playing on the platform at at the railway station, tripped and fell across the track, at which point a seven carriage train came through at over 150 mph and cut through his upper thighs crushing everything in his legs and causing them to fall off.

Q. What do cows and grass have in common? A. They both moo, except for grass ????????????

Why did the chicken cross the road? I wouldn't consider Mark a chicken. In fact, given the high speed and volume of cars traversing that particular road in both directions, I'd say it was a ballsy move. In hindsight, though, he probably should have waited for the "walk" symbol to appear for pedestrians, in order to avoid being run over by a bus. Anyway, if Pastor John would like to say a few words before we finally put Mark's body to rest...

Q: Whats the difference between me and a ghost? A: Ghosts arnt dolphins!

A guy asks his girl friend to marry him and she says yes, so he buys her a new car - a Lamborghini Countach - she loves this car and she goes everywhere in it. One day, she picks up her kids from school. She's got a boy and a girl. As she's driving down the road, a car pulls up in front of her and they have a really nasty accident and she falls into a coma. When she wakes up from the coma there is a doctor next to her and she quickly asks doctor, "Where is my son? He was really good at football, he could have played for England and been better than Beckham." The doctor replies, "I'm so sorry, in the accident he lost his leg he won't be able to kick a football any more." The woman asks about her daughter. "Doctor, where is my daughter? She was really good at tennis and she could have been the best in the world and won at Wimbledon." The doctor says, "Sorry but in the accident she lost her arms and she won't be able to pick up a racket any more." She begins to cry. "Doctor," asks the woman, "how long have I been in this coma?" The doctor replies, "Six months." "So what's the date?" asks the woman. "April 1st," says the doctor. The woman begins to laugh "So you were joking then, were you?" Doctor: "YES... they had minor breaks and cuts but both have made full recoveries. I'll get them and your fiancé down here straight away." The woman is relieved and is discharged three days later to continue recuperating at home, while the doctor is sent to a tribunal for tricking her into believing her children had been maimed and eventually accepts early retirement with a generous severance package.

Random link time! http://www.booksie.com/thrillers/novel/declan_mckimm/pure-evil

Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but orange gourds. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

How do you say vampire in spanish? Vampiro.

Q: What do Magic Johnson and Freddie Mercury have in common? A: Freddie Mercury is dead.

whats the difference between Obama and Romney answer: one would have been a good president instead of a communist

Whats worse than death? Getting expelled from Hogwarts

how did the fat man get up the stairs he walked

Roses are red violets are ponies I dont know what to say mircowave

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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