How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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If she's old enough to count, she's probably in second grade.

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Q: whats worse that sucking at piano A: the world blowing up

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Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? She was blind.

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A girl falls out of a tree. She got hit by a flying pig.

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Q: How did the black man cross the Atlantic? A: He flew with an airliner, a large fixed-wing aircraft for transporting passengers and cargo.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you were observing it, thus changing its quantum state and making it decide to cross.

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Why did the boy cross the road? Because he was stapled to the chicken.

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What is green and fuzzy and when it falls from a tree, your dead? A pool table.

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How many jews does it take to change a light bulb? Well none today because today is Saturday... maybe tomorrow

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How do you drown a fish? You don't...

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What will happen if your heart skips 10 beats? Nothing. You're dead.

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What's the difference between an X-box and Michael Jackson? One is an inanimate object and the other is a human being.

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Why did the young man not want to go to school? Because he had a large tumor on the left side of his face.

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A doctor walks into a bar, he stumbles backwards as he is taking his coat of, and the barman chuckles.

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Yo mamas so ugly that when she went to an ugly contest the host said "sorry no Professionals"

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Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? Because he was to busy watching porn. And then was hit by a truck.

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Why did Jane's parachute not open? Because a plane hit her on the way down.

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You will NEVER guess what just happened!

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Yo momma is so fat when she sat on the i pod she made the i pad!

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One time at band camp, I advanced my clarinet skill, which led me to have a good life.

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What's worse than a holocaust? two holocausts.

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There once was a boy. On his birthday, he got a small puppy. The puppy was white and had big eyes. Boy loved his puppy and the puppy loved the boy.

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A man became infected with Staphylococcal Food Poisoning. The doctor said, "You only have 24 hours to live." He died 24 hours later.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops