How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

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ey can i pick your scabs plzz

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An irishman walks out of a pub

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Man: Docter it hurts when i touch my legs! Docter: yeah you have two shattered knee caps youll never walk again.

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Why did the taxi driver kill the blond? He didn't. It's illegal to murder people in most countries.

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whats green can fly and has legs? a plane i lied about the legs

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how long does it take for a black woman to shit? a couple of minutes.

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Why did Cody sit in the corner? Because his daddy didn't love him. #DaddyDoesn'tLoveYouAnymoreChair

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An American man and a Chinese man have a conversation. The American man asks the Chinese man after a couple of minutes of speaking, "How long have you lived in the United States?" The Chinese man replies, "I moved to the United States when I was ten years old."

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An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They have a few drinks, then go to a club, where they amuse each other and those around them by completely slurring their words in their already very strong regional accents. Then they get a taxi back to the house of the Englishman as he lives nearest, and stay the night. The next morning, the Scotsman and the Irishmen walk home as they are still hungover and do not wish to risk driving.

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if you are what you eat then you're a hamburger

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What did the prisoner receive on his 44th birthday? Well obviously all mail in prisons is checked, but nothing dangerous was found. He received a book on different types of steam engines (he is a railway fan), some chocolate (galaxy caramel, which is his favourite), a crossword challenge book (he gets bored in his cell) and the anti joke book.

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What's the difference between a duck? An armchair, because a vest has no sleeves.

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What's worse than Hell? The Holocaust.

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Want to hear a funny joke? Sure. Women's Rights. That's not even a joke. You don't get it. It's not even a sentence.

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OK, A plane carrying 200 passengers crashes on the border between America and Canada. Which side of the border do you bury the victims? Well, it would depend on where the passengers where from or what they had stipulated in their living will. I suppose some would be cremated which opens up a whole other can of worms entirely.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side. Knock knock? Whos there? the Chicken.

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What is the difference between a Jew and a pizza? The pizza doesn't scream when riding on a roller coaster.

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An alcoholic walks into a bar. He is destroying his family.

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How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, but she had a very muscular vagina.

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I am not under the alkafluence of inkahlol. The drunker I am, the longer I get.

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Why was the baby smoking? He was locked in a hot car.

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What do you get when you cross a blonde with Nickelodon? You get Dora because she is allways telling you what to do.

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What has 4 legs and goes "meow." A cat. Dang! You already heard it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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