Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

If life though you lemons, through skittles at them and say tast the freakin rainbow.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

4 hours later.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Yeah, I mean to be honest with you, I get that one a lot.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

roses are red violets are blue ur mom just died and u will 2

thumb_up thumb_down +3

There's a Christian preist, Jesus, and a Jewish rabi on a boat. They want to go fishing, but they forgot the sunscreen, the bait, and the fishing line. The Christian preist walks across the water and goes and gets the Sunscreen. Jesus walks across the water and gets the bait. The Jewish rabi steps out of the boat and drowns. Jesus turns to the Priest and says, "Do you suppose we should have told about the underwater bridge?"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Hey Eliza, thanks, while I appreciate the help, Alice is crying in a corner and refusing to get up, I wont lie, for a moment there I could "see voices and music" and valium has taken care of the ptsd (and blown most of my brain, which is nice for a change). With that said, im on 40 mg ritalin which is a lot, but I need it, besides I can handle the anxiety. I have no idea who the guy typing this is, but he is following me to the letter, so thats good enough, except his typos being worse than mine, which is pretty good for a guy that barely speaks english. Sorry Eliza, but Alice is having a breakdown here, ill talk her down a bit first, she tries to hide it, but she is far more worried about me than I am, which is nice, just not like this, ill be right back with you.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Monkey see, monkey do. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A dog walks into a bar, the bartender quickly says to its owner that he must leave as dogs are not allowed in. Upon realizing that it is a seeing eye dog, the bartender retracts his statement and serves the owner a drink.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Is it true that curiousity killed the cat? No, I hit it multiple times with a baseball bat

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money, I forgot what happens right but it wasn't that funny anyway

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's fun and challenging? Writing an anti-joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call a zebra without stripes? A stripeless zebra.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How many elephants can you fit in a mini? None. There are no affordable cars large enough to fit a fully grown elephant.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

why was the blonde fired from the factory? she ate the maneger's fingers.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What is black and white and red all over? A nun that just fell down the stairs.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What happened as a result of the bitter terrorist attack? The president began to devise a plan to help the abused child

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Eat My Food!!! Joking I dont have any food

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the boy loose his glass with milk? He got hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is a woman

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Jack and jill Went up the hill To go smoke Some marijuana Jack got high Unzipped his fly And asked jill "Do you wanna?" Jill sais "yes" Pulled up her dress And things got real fun But silly jill Forgot the pill And now they have a son

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Yo mamma so fat We are all seriously concerned for her health

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Hickory dickory dock. Two mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one; The other escaped with minor injuries.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Potato!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops