Keira Knightley walked in to a coffee shop. The man behind the counter said "Wow, you're Keira Knightley!". Keira replied, "No, actually I am just one of your many masturbatory fantasies. You are currently staring at an old lady that just asked you for a latte". "Oh, by the way. You are drooling and have an erection."

thumb_up thumb_down +9

My name is Nero, Angelo Nero, its Italian (or rather Roman) For Black Angel, and yes it is my real name, you will believe me once you see my passport, driving license, mastercard whatever, I am 32 years old and I wont tell you my last name because at this rate... You could probably just google me up and find it yourself. Seriously, I am latino you know that, romantic is in my veins, but hey, you never told me you liked that so if we agreed to sex, that was what I was going with... I did tell you that sex is kinda meh for me without the romance factor. The thing about your name being Tifa, is that you look A LOT like the video game character, I mean come on! You even got red eyes! (okay hers may be a brownish red but come on!) You should post a picture of yourself online and see how many guys find you really sexy... Then again, dont, I want you for myself. Sorry this is taking some time, I dont get any of these solvemedia crapcraps

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Technically I did not try to, but I made you believe I tried in vain, so your subconcious is unable to register that it is under a state of trance, you could deny it, but you are in a state of trance right now. So how big are your breasts?

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the dancing amphibious landing craft say to the carrot faced caterpillar? wanna get in its cold

thumb_up thumb_down +9

This is a joke only for males: Walk into any semi busy public restroom. Stand at the urinal for about 30 seconds to a minute acting as though you cannot find your penis. Make sure you have the attention of at least 2 other urinators and then exclaim quite loudly "I can't find it!" then walk out.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do Bruce Lee and Michael Jackson have in common? They are both dead

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the lone KKK member do when he passed 10 large, muscular black men in the street? He did not tell them that he was a member of the KKK.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Roses are, blue, Violets are red, Screw poetic forms, I wish you were dead

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the pineapple say to the apple? Nothing, neither can speak.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?" Not getting a response, the disoriented bartender realizes he was talking to his own reflection in the mirror at the back of the bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How many jewish people can you fit in a Volkswagen? depending on the class of car but a mid range SUV can seat up to seven.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

roses are red,violets,are green who tf shit in the toilet?

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you get hanging from an apple tree? Sore Arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

9/11 jokes are just plane wrong

thumb_up thumb_down +7

So I was making love to my cat the other day, and my pet dog comes in.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How many pancakes does it take to build a doghouse? Pancakes are not a feasible material with which to build a doghouse.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A blind man jumped out of the way as a car ran through the red light at a one way street.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's worse than an anti-joke about an anti-joke? The Holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How many baby's does it take to paint a wall Depends on how hard you throw them

thumb_up thumb_down +7

yo mama so fat she decided to go on a diet :)

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I was bangin this girl and she kept yelling the wrong name. Who's raape?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A rabbit crosses a road... To be continued

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you get when you cross a leopard with a camel? Sacked from the zoo.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man meets the girl of his dreams. Too bad the man will die in 3 days due to terminal cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops