Your momma is so dumb she has to have weekly tutoring to help understand finding the value of x in an equation.

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What is the difference between you and a brick? A brick gets laid.

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roses are red violets are blue i have candy im about to rape you

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What do you can an astronaut with an apple? Never mind, I have a boner.

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why did the mexican cross the road? To get into America. Why did the chicken cross the road? It was on its way to warn everyone that the sky was falling Why did the horse go to the other side of the field? He liked green grass. Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? cause he's Chuck Norris. Why did the man get a check in the mail every month? Cause he's black Why did Obama Cross the road? Cause he lost control of congress why is there all this blank space?

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Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? A.One's a scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other's a human.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Me. You who? Me.

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Knock Knock: There is no one in here! GTFO! Okay, yes sir or mam Moral: I told you there is no one here, gtfo already!

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A: u wanna die? B: does anyone really wanna die, i mean logistically, un-less u are suicidal, why would you wanna die? A: I do wanna die. B: ur a freak and you should consider getting help person A never got help, on his way to getting help at a certified physician he got hit by a bus, his body can be found at the intersection of church ave. and flatbush. And i would say rest in piece but cars drive over him daily, and thats not to peaceful

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chickens are unintelligent creatures of instinct, and can tell no significant differences between the pavement and the road. It was unfortunate that a bus was speeding past at the moment this event happened.

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a black man and a white man walk into a job interview. neither of them get the job due to lack of skill in the field.

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cancer

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How do you make a toddler run faster? Chase it with a lawnmower.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" A few people laugh, but the horse, incapable of speech, does not. He is unfamiliar with this location and begins to panic. In his panic his leg is broken. He is put down shorty thereafter.

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What did the pilot say to the female flight attendant? He told her to never tell his wife about the time they spent in mexico or he'd bludgeon her to death with a hammer.

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Need therapy? No you do not, just follow these steps. When someone feels suicidal, I ask them, so what would you do and feel when you are dead? People: First I think ill just chill like this, and then everything would be empty and no more noise like this here "holds hands over ears", and it would all just be black and nice afterwards.... Me: Stay in that state for a while. Human: Gee I am starting to feel better... Me: GEE YOU SUCK KILL YOURSELF NOW! 2. How to CURE PERMANENTLY (not treat over 30 years with no effect) someone that cant say no... First I let my victim enter the room, then I shut the door and shout "SAY NO TO ME YOU FUCKlNG WH000RE!" Victim: NOOOOOOO I CANT! Cured, stop wasting my fucking time NEXT 3. SUUUUUUUURE! Me: So you feel uncertain? Patient: Uh yeah... Me: Are you certain about that? Patient: You are just certain about you being certain which is not possible because you are uncertain NOW DIE! PROTIP: Death is the cure to all disease... NOOOOOOOT! (Postmortem disease no?) 4. I forgot this example. Anyway, I say something smart, you give me thumbs down because you are jelly, and then I eat you and I had some jelly.... I master nonsense, I am the jack of no trades and master of all.

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So Helen Keller walked into a bar... and then a chair.... and then a table..

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Why did the cow go over the hill? He didn't. He was pinned and slaughtered in a private owned animal torture facility.

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What did the man with AIDS say to the other man? I have AIDS and will most likely succumb to the disease.

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'A blonde', 'a brunette', and 'a redhead' are ways of referring to women who have hair of a certain color.

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What do a helicopter and a banana have in common? They are both edible. Except for the helicopter.

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People spending hours typing nothing but cus words? Who does that?

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Whats better than seeing a worm in your apple... Reading the the next anti-joke.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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