How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that : L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

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What happens when you cross a kangaroo and an elephant? Absolutely nothing. The two belong to entirely different animal families and their reproductive abilities are totally incompatible. A kangaroo could never fertilize an elephant, or vice versa. To suggest anything else is unrealistic and a physical impossibility.

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What's the difference between a plumber and a gynecologist? One has a knowledge of piping system of a house and the ability to fix said pipes and the other has the medical knowledge of a women's vagina.

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How do you say a bad word in your language? Like this: "A bad word in your language"

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The President, The Pope, and a small child are all in an airplane when the pilot announces that the plane is going to crash. They crash into the ocean and quickly remember that there is a life vest under their seats, which they promptly put on and safely inflate after exiting the cabin of the aircraft.

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A man buys some expensive lingerie for his wife on the occasion of their 10th wedding anniversary. After a lovely candlelight dinner at home, he tells her to close her eyes at which point he retrieves the gift box containing her anniversary present. Thoroughly exited, she rips open the box and takes out the beautiful garment, holding it up to the light in wide-eyed amazement. Her husband gives her a suggestive wink and says "would you like to join me in the bedroom to try it on?" To which she replies, "I AIN'T YER WHORE!"

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What was the energizer bunny arrested for? Rape.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? You reading another one of these again?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was baked.

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Jesus walks on water, Humans are 70% water, I can walk on humans, Therefore i am 70% Jesus.

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What do you call a fat priest? Obese

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how do women get from the kitchen to the bedroom? they walk there.

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Why the FFUUU did you go back? Because I broke something huur.

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Whats better than having 5 dollars? Having 5 dollars and a pizza

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whats worse than 2 people dying? 3 people dying.

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What did the barber say to Chewbacca? DAAAAAAYYYYUUUUMMMM!!!

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Whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew? One is a tasty Italian food the other is a respected member of society

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Why did osama bin laden cross the road? To commit suicide

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why was 9 afraid of 6 ? because it made her pregnant

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What do you call a black man standing on a podium? Slave trade

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Why did the Asian boy drop his milk? Because he had a stroke.

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What did the one stethoscope say to the other stethoscope? Nothing. Stethoscopes can't talk.

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How many beavers does it take to paint a house blue? 0, beavers cant paint.

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Chuck noris is so awesome that he brings a knife to a gun-fight, and wins

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops