A man walks into a bar He goes to drink away the fact that alcoholism is tearing his family apart and that he lost custody of his three-year-old son that same day

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What is black and white and cant get through revolving doors? A zebra with a spear through its head.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

My girlfriend dumped me because I'm patronizing. That means I treat people like they're stupid.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

24

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Internet Explorer

thumb_up thumb_down -15

I wont say I got much money, but neither do I need it, just be honest to me, because if you lie, every advice I give you, could cost you or me everything, our lives, our families... Collateral damage is a term used very often and lightly ever since 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A man walks into a bar but didn't say anything because he is mute.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling? Because he's rich...

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the cat say to the towel? Meow.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the burrito taste bad? It's a giraffe.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Women's Rights

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What's better than fornicating two 4 year old twins? Killing their parents in front of them before you do.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

roses are red orchids are black I like you best when you lye on your back

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Whites black white and red all over? The nazi flag.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Q: What is the differenc between a lamborghini and a pile of dead babys? A: I dont have a lamborghini my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Did you hear about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw? Did you hear about the deaf shepherd who gathered his flock and heard (herd)? If you don't understand these, use your dictionary and look up the words "blind," "deaf," "saw," "heard" and "herd." http://gpsphone-tracker.com/

thumb_up thumb_down -15

what did the judgmental teacher say to a challenged student? your stupid

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Q. Why did the boy throw up on the bus? A. All his friends around him died in the accident

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a registered sex offender.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Fine, the facts add up, excuse me if disinfecting what is left of my eyeball hurts like a bitch and reminds me of the fun I had losing about half of it and my eyelid left/right eyelid (I cannot tell left from right, I was born that way, on the bright side I can use both hands for everything). You know, I am sorry for taking such drastic measures, you know I could have spent the entire day with my wife and both my eyes, we where going on a trip around the world and stuff. Instead she is in police custody and I am stuck looking like a fucking pirate and my friend here does not quite get that its not the aching burning pain of living hell that gets to me, but rather the sensation of feeling pain at the core of my fucking eye whose sensation is so fucking overwhelming that I get just a little bit ticked off. Fucking hell am I glad we do not have a kid. I cannot pick up the phone, you see, its not my number, I paid off a couple of friends (do not really know them) To change their names to Nero. Now, if this is true and you have no idea who assaulted me, then you should have no problem knowing that I wont reveal where you live because we live pretty close to one another, you are not the only one that has proxies. If you do not mind you will have to chat with me here for a while, my eye hurts like a bitch and the fucked up sensation gives me just a tiny bit of anxiety, I will answer the phone, when my fucking hands stop trembling, I already dropped the fucking cell twice. Now it is busted and my friend is trying to put the chip into the other one yadayada, given the conditions I will call you,

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

-Knock Knock -Who's there? -Peter

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the baby die, because he got herpes, so did his mother, there both dead now.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

I was walking down the street the other day and I saw this lady and suddenly: POTATOES!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops