A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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What's the difference between a Mustang and a sack of dead babies? I don't have a sack of dead babies in my garage.

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yo mama so fat, she got more chins than china town

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Q:What do you get when you mix a tiger and a panda? A:nothing, its impossible

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What did the homosexual get for Christmas off his boyfriend? A lovely present off his loving partner.

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What the difference between an apple and a pear One of them is red

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squash squash who squash my ass

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Why did the Jew die? Because of old age

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What is black and white and red all over. A pile of dead zebras

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What's black, white, and red all over? A lot of things, you just gotta keep your eyes peeled.

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What did the alchoholic get for his birthday? Nothing. His alchohol abuse split up is family and now he is alone.

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"Where are my shoes?" asked the man. "On your feet," I replied. "You are a paraplegic and have no feeling from the waist down."

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There are two kinds of people in this world: those that finish their sentences

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My friend who's a chef was stabbed by his own kitchen knife, everyone said it would be in bad taste to joke about it.

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A man walks into a bar. A few hours later he walks out.

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what do you get a man with no arms or legs for his birthday? a quick, painless death.

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I dyslexic man walks into a bra. This incident had no relation whatsoever to his condition. The bra was just in an unusual and inconvenient location, and he wasn't paying much attention to where he was going.

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What did the one stethoscope say to the other stethoscope? Nothing. Stethoscopes can't talk.

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Whats worse than 10 babies nailed to one tree 1 baby nailed to 10

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I am Jack Bauer, Where is the nuke?

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You know what's funny? You can't spell manslaughter without laughter.

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A man tells his wife to leave the kitchen

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haiku for you ladies and gents My mother once said, "Slow and steady wins the race" She died in a fire.

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Q:What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? A: Getting raped by a giant scorpion

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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