Knock Knock. Whose there? Bond. Bond who? James Bond. na-na NA NA na-na na

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An Asian man fails a math test

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What starts with P and ends with "oop" POOP

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What did the truck driver get when he ran over my cat? A pave low.

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What day is it today? Today. Thank you. You're welcome.

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What did the child molestor do? He went home and molested children.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got hit by a bus on the way over.

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How come Billy can only swim in circles? His right arm and right leg were amputated because he scraped his left arm.

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What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Tiger woods is a famous golf player and Santa is a fictional old man dressed in red and white who is said to live in Lapland, have an airborne sleigh driven by eight magical reindeer and come down the chimney to fill childrens' stockings on Christmas eve.

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Why did the little boy stop looking for his ball? Because he found it.

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Friends are like lettuce; If you eat their head, they die

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Did you hear that the actress, Reese what's-her-name, got stabbed to death? Witherspoon? No, with a knife.

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I got a boner from the waitress touching my shoulder, please dislike this

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Q. What's rare, horny, and a myth towards most guys who have never seen one? A. A Unicorn.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Spilling Dr. Pepper on your carpet

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Yo mama is so nasty she won't take a shower till she is dead you idiot says the boy she won't die she has twenty thousand live

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more chocolate?

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What is the funniest joke in the world? Written.

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I forgot what came after: Roses are Red Violets are Blue Too much anti jokes

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What is pink, female and has two dicks? A mother with two sons, both called Richard.

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what did the man say to the person he hates? nothing!

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I like my coffee like I like my women. Ground up and in the freezer

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This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

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What's worse than a dead baby in a trash can A hundred dead babies in a trash can Whats worse than a hundred dead babies in a trash can A live one at the bottom Whats worse than that It eats it way out Whats worse than that It brings friends

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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