Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he had poor coordination.

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Trees are my friends because they welcome me with open limbs.

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Where do cows go when they're bored? Wherever they're standing. Cows cannot use toilets, regardless of their mood.

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How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Well thats a stupid question, just one.

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roses are red violets are microwaves i have amnesia what ma name iiizzz 'SHAWTAY

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I forgot the rest, Don't laugh at me...

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How much cocain did Charlie sheen do? Enough to kill 2 and a half men

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You know what's stupid and gay? Idiots and homosexuals, respectively.

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Yeah, me too. The car just ran straight through the stoplight and it was all over...

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What did the black man eat at a picnic? I don't know, I wasn't there.

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what's the difference between you and a yack one is a spitting idiot and the other one is a camel

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A cat walks into a bar. What's the first thing it says? Absolutely nothing. It was knocked out.

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What do you call a mouse having sex? A spouse.

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Q: What did one muffin say to the other muffin? A: "AAAA! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

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How to make a plummer cry Kill his family

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Why did the white bartender kick out a black man and his Mexican friend out of the bar? It was closing time

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Your momma's so fat that when she looked in the mirror she broke down crying and threw up in the toilet because she is belemic.

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Q. Whats worse than 9 babies in 1 suitcase? A. 1 baby in 9 suitcases.

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What is a long boring story that no one will ever want to read? the life of Sarah Palin.

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A man walks in to a bar, Has a drink, and leaves.

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What do you do if there's a rabid elephant chasing behind you, a vicious jaguar to your right, a rearing horse to your left, and a bloodthirsty lion in front of you? Innoculate yourself with a rabies vaccine, prod the jaguar on the nose with a stick (they hate that and will probably flee as a result), speak softly and calmly to the horse and encourage the lion to go for the elephant instead of you. You will probably still die as a combined result of mauling and trampling, and it's unlikely that you'll have two rabies vaccines to hand by chance for such situations, but your chances of survival will be minimally improved.

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Why are black people so good at basketball? Because they work hard at it

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a sabertooth walks into a club. the caveman set his trap perfectly.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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